As the readers of the Webb Weekly know, I don’t venture into politics — and I’m not going to start today. Don’t get me wrong, the expression of political opinion is important. Why? Because in a free society, we need balance. The only way to achieve balance is to hear what others are thinking and the history of how they arrived at their conclusions. Heated political debate tends to cool down when opponents shift their focus from defending a position to building a relationship.

I was having lunch with an atheist. It wasn’t a chance meeting. The reason we were eating together was because he had identified himself at a public event as an avowed atheist. Because I believe God exists, I am intrigued by those who believe the exact opposite. I was honored that he would take time out of his busy schedule to meet with me, and I let him know I was thankful for that grace.

I had initiated our meeting, so I hosted the conversation. Before jumping into the topic of atheism, I asked questions about his life: family, profession, hobbies, experiences. His responses allowed me to share about my life. We discovered we had a lot in common. The conversation was easy and enjoyable.

I shifted the conversation to atheism by asking him about the journey that led him to that conclusion. It wasn’t a loaded question. I wasn’t seeking a gotcha statement that I could leverage to win the conversation. I was sincerely curious about his journey — and he sensed it.

What he shared was an all-too-familiar story. His mother was a lifelong believer, and he loved her dearly. When she was diagnosed with cancer, their church told them that if they had enough faith, God would heal her. She prayed and fasted. The church held a healing service where she was anointed with oil by elders who declared that the prayer of faith would heal the sick. He placed his full faith in God’s power to deliver his mother from cancer.

The healing didn’t happen. His mother suffered terribly as the cancer progressed and finally took her life. The disappointment was deep and led to a full rejection of God.

His story of disappointment was all too familiar because we Christians often attempt to speak for God. We twist his words to match our desires and opinions. We put periods where God has left question marks. We get full of ourselves, thinking we can contain the Almighty in our little theological statements and dogmatic boxes. Our assumptions and arrogance set people up for failure and destroy relationships. That’s what happened to my atheist lunch partner.

The church had presented a God who could be manipulated by faith to do exactly what he and his mother wanted. It was a well-intentioned lie, but a lie just the same.

Yes, faith can move the heart of God, and yes, a lack of faith can keep miracles from happening. But hear this: faith cannot guarantee an outcome. If it could, God would be diminished to nothing more than the grantor of wishes.

I empathized with my new friend. I, too, was taught that faith could bring about a guaranteed miracle. I, too, suffered a deep faith disappointment and struggled with my belief in God. We found common ground in our pain and expressed concern for each other.

I then shared with him about two men in the Bible who also suffered deep disappointment as their faith collided with the unmovable and redemptive will of God:

In the Garden of Gethsemane, Jesus prayed earnestly for God’s intervention. He was filled with perfect faith that his Father could do it. God’s answer was no. See Matthew 26:36-46.

Paul prayed earnestly that God would remove his thorn in the flesh. He offered to God all the faith he could muster. God’s answer was no. See 2 Corinthians 12:1-10.

I suggested that God must have a lot of faith in us if he was willing to say no to our fervent faith-filled prayers. I asked him if I could pray to conclude our time together. He graciously allowed me to do so. We stood up, shook hands, and then embraced. A believer and an atheist who shared lunch and encouraged each other. We both received grace that day.

Is God male? The next time someone asks you a hot-button question, take a moment to learn about their journey. Listen intently. Be open and honest about your journey. Seek to build a relationship rather than win an argument, and maybe, just maybe, your time together will end in a grace-filled embrace. Our world could use more of that.