With the wedding season upon us, we tackled part 1 of wedding etiquette last week. We’ll wrap things up here in part 2 for day-of and post-wedding protocol. Let’s dive back in!
Beyond the guest list, you’ll also want to consider your wedding party; if you’re asking friends, family, or a mix of both. No matter who you select, give wedding party members clear expectations when asking. It’s thoughtful to let them know what you expect from them in terms of commitment (both time and financially) before they say yes. Of course, on the day of, things may come up, like your groomsmen helping elderly aunts to their seats, or bridesmaids helping pin up your train for the reception; these tasks should be understood as part of the general contract when agreeing to be a member of the wedding party.
Along with the wedding party, you’ll need to create an appropriate invite list for your rehearsal dinner, which is traditionally held just for those attending the actual wedding ceremony rehearsal. It’s best practice to also invite the partners/plus-ones of those participants and your immediate families. If you have children participating, include the parents/siblings of those children. Invite the officiant and their spouse, if appropriate. Once you cover those bases on your guest list, you can decide if you want to invite others to the rehearsal itself, for a sneak peek, or to the dinner separately. Additional invitees can include out-of-town guests, extended family, or friends who aren’t in the wedding party but helping in other capacities.
Next up is a bit of a touchy subject. If you are serving alcohol, you are paying for it. Don’t ever do a cash bar. You’re the host, and you invited people and have budgeted for the caterers and liquor supplies. Figure out the best combination of options that fit your budget. If you’re doing a DIY wedding at your own or a parent’s home, you wouldn’t expect guests to pay for drinks in that setting, nor should you expect them to pay at a traditional venue. Also, as the host, you are responsible for tipping bar staff if you have them. Of course, you don’t have to serve alcohol at your wedding if that reflects your lifestyle as a couple.
Speaking of couples, when working on a seating chart, be sure to seat couples next to each other. Or opposite each other if you’re doing a seat-by-seat layout. If you’re assigning general tables, then obviously couples will be at the same table. When creating the head table with yourselves and your wedding party, their plus one should also be seated with them. If that becomes too overwhelming, then simply have a shared couples table with wedding party members at their own table or sit out amongst the general guests accordingly. Seating charts and table assignments ensure your guests are seated with their family and friends and not awkwardly alone. If invited guests aren’t able to make it, or you have no-shows, then adjust your seating as needed.
At your reception, be sure to greet every guest. Make it your goal as a couple to say hello to everyone at least once. A receiving line, while some think it is old-fashioned, does this job for you. But, if that’s not part of your vision or there’s no time allotted, go around to each table, ideally as a couple, to say hello. Work the room earlier on so that you can enjoy yourself later and not worry about saying goodbye or checking in with family and friends as the party swings into full gear.
After your big day, big night, morning-after brunch, and honeymoon, get on top of thank-you notes. If you have a shower before the wedding, hopefully you’ve already sent out thank-you cards. If not, and you’re lumping one thank you into multiple gifts, note each gift in the card. If folks sent gifts but weren’t able to attend, thank them and let them know the gift arrived safely and their presence was missed. Some etiquette says you have up to a year to send thanks, but it’s best to get it done as soon as you can. Also, make this a team effort. Set aside a time when you and your new spouse sit down, and both sign the cards. You are now operating as a couple, and the thank-yous should reflect that.
All in all, when planning and hosting a wedding, yes, it’s your big day, but it’s also about celebrating with family and friends. And as the host of any event, you want everyone to be comfortable and have a good time. Hopefully, these etiquette tips can ensure your special day goes smoothly without any rumpled feathers or veils.
