So, you’re getting married, or about to get engaged, and lots of loved ones will have lots of opinions on your nuptials.

Even if you are going for a traditional ceremony and reception, modern wedding etiquette rules have evolved over the years.

With the rise of sharing via social media, the accessibility, or lack thereof, with alternative venues, the plus one of it all, and navigating the budget terrain, there are many protocol potholes to watch out for.

So, let’s go over some basic rules for hosting a wedding. In this first part, we’ll talk about wedding websites and prep running up to the big day. Part two will be the wedding itself.

First, tell your inner circle before announcing your engagement on social media. Dropping “we’re engaged” in the family group chat, or just a picture of the ring, is not acceptable. Phone calls or FaceTime are best if you can’t share in person. Obviously, parents and siblings, as well as your closest friends, should be notified before an announcement goes out to a wider audience. And if grandparents are still with us, schedule a phone call or visit to share your exciting news.

Another announcement faux pas is announcing at someone else’s event. If you are at someone else’s wedding, graduation, or baby shower, it’s best not to draw attention and keep the news to yourself. And you should certainly not propose at events. Better yet, avoid public proposals in general. Unless you’re at a beach or recreating a first date, proposals are private affairs and not meant for the general public’s consumption, or goodness forbid participation.

The rules around who pays for what have definitely evolved since those of us who were born in the 1900s got married. While it is common nowadays for couples to pay for all or part of their own weddings, many will receive or need financial support from parents or other family members who wish to contribute. It may be uncomfortable to broach this conversation with parents, but it’s extremely important to have it early on. You don’t want to book a venue or make other arrangements without having a clear idea of your budget from the jump. And if you are receiving full or partial help, understand the expectations that may come with that help. If grandma’s paying for the reception and she wants ham, then you’re having ham. On the flip side, you can communicate boundaries and set expectations. “Yes, Grandma, we’ll serve ham, but we’re not inviting your bridge club.”

Speaking of invitations: To invite a plus one or not to invite a plus one, there’s the rub. Here are the basics of plus-one invites. You have to invite both members of a married couple, hands down. You also have to invite long-established couples, whether or not they live together. Newer relationships, though, can be tricky, but relationships less than a year old do not automatically get invited together. If you decide to grant plus-ones to single or dating folks, then that guest can invite anyone they wish. You do not get approval of plus ones if you extend them.

Next, set rules around children attending. You can go fully kid-free, no minors. Have a cut-off age of 12 or 14, only your nieces and nephews, but not cousin kids, or just nursing babies, etc. If you are blending a family with your wedding, then your kids should certainly be part of the celebration, and maybe let them each have a plus-one so they have a buddy.

With a guest list set, send out those invites in a timely manner. You can send a save-the-date 6 months to a year out, with invitations dropping at about 12-16 weeks before your event. If you are planning a wedding in less than six months, inform your guests as soon as you book your venue so they can mark their calendars. Regardless of the timeline, include clear RSVP instructions, and if sending by mail, include addressed, stamped envelopes for those replies.

Beyond RSVPs, you’ll also want to set up a wedding website. Platforms like The Knot or Appy Couple can set you up with a site and help you organize invites, etc. Websites are a hassle-free way of communicating all sorts of wedding info. Schedule of events, directions, hotel accommodations, what to expect for non-traditional venues, and dress codes. Things not to share: bachelorette/bachelor party plans, pics of dress fittings, your hotel room number. But definitely highlight the link to your registry on your site.

Creating a registry is a considerate act that allows your guests to find gifts for you that fit your needs and style. Taking the time to craft a registry with items at a variety of price points gives your guests options when selecting a gift. Registry items should be focused on things to be used by the household, not individual hobbies or interests of the bride and groom. If you decide to create a cash fund option, let folks know how the fund will be used. And “paying for the wedding/honeymoon” is not the reason to have a cash fund registry option. Instead, things like “furniture for the house” or “down payment on a house” are appropriate purposes.

These are just the first half of the etiquette rules in the buildup to your big day. The rehearsal dinner, ceremony, reception, and post-wedding thank you’s we’ll cover next week to ensure you host your wedding with grace, thoughtfulness, and tact.