Latest Issue

My Bearded Friends

My full-time gig is with Susquehanna Marble and Granite. Yes. There is never a dull moment. I have been with the company for eight great seasons. I have been exposed to every facet of the countertop business. I am not the strongest guy, and these rocks are super heavy. I tend to break stuff, and my fellow work chums say that I am a liability. They also complained that I spent most of my time talking with the homeowners. I moved to the shop and learned how to fabricate. I was then banned from driving the forklift. I now mostly work in sales and handle follow-ups. It is much safer for everyone.

We are truly blessed to work with so many great people. I have met some outstanding folks. Young and old. Stupendous. We treat every top the same, regardless of size and materials. When something goes wrong, it is always my fault. No worries. I am a retired high school basketball coach. But you wouldn’t believe some of these projects. Insane. I am starting to dislike HGTV and PINTEREST. Waterfall edges to faucets coming out of the walls. It’s incredible. I can only imagine what would happen if Trump got the nod. John?

I told you before that I have a great relationship with a few Amish cabinet builders. I absolutely love our interactions. It is a true joy, and I enjoy our experiences. I am not kidding. I look forward to our visit. I try to see them every other. My bearded friends and I have worked on many great projects. We have also entertained many conversations. Even politics. My guys ask some very difficult questions. I am quite comfortable in serving as a liaison. I feel bad for introducing Amos to FACETIME.

WHAT IS AI? Hmm. AI is a trending topic. Artificial Intelligence refers to computers capable of performing complex tasks that historically only a human could do, such as reasoning, making decisions, and even solving problems. I am pretty sure that you (AMISH) are OK, but many of us English fear that we will be replaced by robots.

IS THAT THE SAME AS ALGORITHM? Somewhat. Let me give you an example. Last week, I purchased a few fishing lures from AMAZON. People do it all of the time. Here. (Pull out my phone) OK. I am searching for something to buy. I click this button. Boom. I already paid for it. I should get these flies by Friday. But here is the kicker. Now, let me open Facebook. (Show my friends) You see these ads? They are the exact same or similar products that we just bought. Scary stuff, boys.


My guys think that I am important. Yes. They make me feel special. They can’t believe the number of folks I know in the four surrounding counties. My bearded friends are all avid readers of the Webb Weekly. We often talk about an article. Fishing is a common passion. We compare notes quite often. Don’t let their looks fool you. These guys aren’t sitting around with cane poles. My chums have nicer setups than I do. I always give my brothers a few new lures. I am a big fan of Heddon Torpedo. Big Jake’s son knows exactly what I am talking about.

I tend to spoil their many children at XMAS. Fishing rods for everybody. Nancy Drew books for the ladies. My friends are so appreciative. Most have met my wife and Jensen. Some helped save the day when we were working on the addition. We will forever be indebted. I have some great material. My bearded brothers and I belong on television. I am almost finished with my pilot. Netflix said no. Hulu hasn’t responded to the hundreds of emails. I still have to convince my friends to capture some footage. They aren’t allowed to pose. All we do is laugh and have fun. HAVE YOU EVER PLAYED AGAINST LEBRON JAMES? YOU CAN’T FIND THAT ON YOUTUBE. ENGLISH CAN HAVE FIRES TOO. WHO IS JOHNNY DEPP? DO YOU KNOW WHERE CHOCOLATE MILK COMES FROM? JAMIE. CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW? Too good. You can’t make it up.

My bearded brothers are a true blessing. They remind me to stay humble. Keep things simple. They are very impressive and hardworking people. They all have the gift of gab. Extremely talented and well-read. I love hearing more about their faiths and traditions. I am even starting to pick up a few words in their native language. I tend to believe the feelings are mutual. A total joy to interact with via work and on a personal basis. Much love to Big Jake and Sam. Jonas, Amos, and Ben. Thank you for being my friends. Cheers.