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ELF on the Shelf

Tis the season, folks, and instead of sharing a story on sports, I’ve decided to chime in on something that is much more important. Yes. It’s time to talk about The Elf on the Shelf. For those of you without young children, this article might help explain that creepy little butthead that has been flooding your social media pages.

Jensen and I had a great run with our Elf on the Shelf. He became suspicious when he started riding the school bus. My son asked many tough questions that year. He was 12. Just kidding. I am thinking he was 9. Unfortunately, it all came to a screeching halt. Jensen was helping mom decorate and found his Elf on the Shelf in a tub. He was absolutely crushed. Jensen cried, but then it turned to rage. He accused us of being liars. He told us that we were bad parents. It was a tough pill to swallow. Our boy grew up.

Where did all of this madness come from? Legend suggests that the elves are residents of the North Pole. But that is definitely not the case for boys and girls. They don’t live in Greenland or the Northwest Territories, either. Most of the Elves actually come from China. It’s true. Read the fine print on the packaging.

The Elves became a global phenomenon by a silly children’s picture book, “The Elf on the Shelf: A Christmas Tradition,” published in 2005. Carol Aebersold and her daughter Chanda Bell co-authored their epic poem and turned them into multimillionaires. Their story was rather simple but an entertaining read. I am a huge fan of their lyrics, rhythms, and rhymes.

Here are the cliff notes. A little elf was sent from Nunavut (The North Pole) to watch over some unruly children. He served as a scout and reported directly to Santa to tell him about the youngsters’ behavior. The Elf would return that evening and take up a new position in the child’s dwelling. By hiding in a new spot each morning, the scout elf plays an ongoing game of hide and seek with the entire family. Yes. The Elf is technically a Russian spy, but he had nothing to do with collusion or fixing the presidential election. Trumpsters are still blaming him.

“There’s only one rule that you have to follow, so I will come back and be here tomorrow: Please do not touch me. My magic might go, and Santa won’t hear all I’ve seen, or I know.” #elfontheshelf.

Scout elves get their magic by being named and loved. Oh, it also helps if you believe too. This Christmas magic allows the Elf to fly to and from the North Pole. But never touch an elf, for they will lose their powers. Trust me. It happened to our neighbors. Please keep them out of the sun and try not to get them wet. And no matter how much an elf begs or cries- never feed them after midnight. Relax. It’s from another movie, kids. Gremlins.

Humans are actually responsible for all of the bedlam and mischief. HIDE AND GO SEEK got boring, and now it’s controlled chaos amongst these parents. OK, I admit. I still enjoy seeing all the pictures and posts about the elves who get into trouble. My young friends are so dang creative. Pinterest helps. And some are original. My personal favorites tend to include other action figures holding the elf hostage, and I have one pal who always uses a Barbie. I would explain in more detail, but this is a family newspaper. Oh. It has gotten rather raunchy. But a few are simply hilarious.

Our elves are alive and are still trending. It’s one of my favorite holiday traditions. Keep posting those photos. Oh, the memories. Merry Christmas. Cheers.