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Why Is It So Hard to Love?

“If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them.” Luke 6:32-36

“Love is patient; love is kind. It does not envy; it does not boast; it is not proud. It does not dishonor others; it is not self-seeking; it is not easily angered; it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” I Corinthians 13:4-8

Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.” I John 4:7-8

What is love?

Love is the source of our being. God is love, and our very existence is an expression of His love. We were made in love, by love, and for love. The answer to the age-old question, “Who am I?” is, “You are the one God loves.” Love defines your entire existence.

Love is selfless — and Jesus described the most selfless act as the giving of one’s life for another. See John 15:13. In love, God demonstrated pure selflessness, “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son . . .” See John 3:16. Pure love gives without the need to receive something in return.

Why is it so hard to love?

First, because we judge others instead of loving them – and that puts us in bondage. Love and freedom are two sides of the same coin. You can’t experience true love without freedom. God knows that, and for that reason, God has set us free from the bondage of judging others.

My friends, God alone is the judge. Why? Because God alone knows all things. We judge by what we see on the outside (I Samuel 16:7), but God judges by what His omniscience knows in totality. He knows everything – the entire story from beginning to end. We don’t – and our lack of knowledge disqualifies us to serve as judges.

Since we cannot judge, we are set free by God to love to everyone! Jesus showed us what that looks like with Levi (Luke 5) and Zacchaeus (Luke 19), and the woman at the well (John 4). Jesus loved everyone, and you are free to love everyone too!

By the way, you’ll probably get criticized by judgmental religious people for loving everyone. They’ll accuse you of keeping bad company. Jesus caught criticism from that bunch too – and that puts you in very good company. See Luke 5:27-32.

Second, it’s hard to love because we are naturally selfish. Our fallen, sinful nature is bent toward self. See Romans 8:5-8 and I Corinthians 2:14. If we’re going to love selflessly over the long haul, then our nature must be changed.

Third, it’s hard to love because we’ve all been burned. Love makes us vulnerable, and fickle people have burned us in the past. Like the proverbial cat who jumped on a hot stove, we will no longer jump on a cold stove either. We are “Once bitten, twice shy.”

Fourth, because love is costly. Love costs money, but more significantly, love costs time and energy. The Priest and Levite in the parable of the Good Samaritan were important people. They had places to go and people to see. See Luke 10:29-37. Stopping to help the man who had been beaten and robbed was just going to cost too much – so they walked right by.

Fifth, because judging others makes me feel better about me. Like the Pharisee who was thankful he was “not like other people — robbers, evildoers, adulterers — or even like this tax collector.” See Luke 18:11. It’s so sad that we have to tear someone else down to feel better about ourselves.

Loving everyone is hard, but it’s not impossible. Here are some steps to help us love more:

Step #1: Be changed. Romans 12:1-2. God’s transformational grace (Word of God, Prayer, Holy Spirit, Body of Christ, Mission of God) changes us, so we no longer conform to the selfish pattern of the world. It takes time, but God’s grace is able to get it done. If loving is hard, then press harder into God’s grace. Doing so requires prioritizing God’s grace into our lives – and that takes sacrifice. This is why we are called to offer our bodies as living sacrifices.

Step #2: Be open. Healthy vulnerability requires the strength and confidence of personal awareness and purpose. The vulnerability offered by Jesus was not a result of weakness or neediness. Absolutely not! His vulnerability was empowered by the certain knowledge of who He was and what He had come to do. See Philippians 2:1-11. It allowed Him the freedom to love and serve openly. Do you know who you are? Do you understand your divine purpose? If you do, then offer love freely and courageously as you open yourself to fickle and messy people who may burn you. Jesus knew that doing so would be risky — and He’s calling on us to be open anyway.

Step #3: Be available. Intentionally create margin in your life. The Good Samaritan also had places to go and people to see, but he created margin in his life — either by design or sacrifice — so he would have the time and resources available to love someone else. At the end of the story of the Good Samaritan, Jesus said, “Go and do likewise.”

If you’re like me, you’ve got growing to do when it comes to loving everyone. Let’s lean hard into God’s grace. Let’s remember who we are and the purposes God has given to us. Let’s take steps today that will help us love more and more. By God’s grace, we can do it.