There is no secret handshake.

You’ll never have to put meetings on your calendar, either. No one will ever bother you to pay dues or elect officers, and there is no clubhouse. And yet, you’ve suddenly found yourself a member of a worldwide club that you never asked to join. How did this happen? And, as in “Welcome to the Grief Club” by Janine Kwoh, how do you escape?

When someone you love has died, you don’t have to go far to find somebody who’s experienced grief, too. Reach out, and they’ll tell you that “there are no magic fixes” for what you’re feeling. You just have to work through it on your own time, although other Grief Club members will “listen without judgement or platitudes.”

This Club is not for competitors; it’s “NOT the Grief Olympics…” You’re allowed to cry as much as you want, and swear if it’ll help. You’re free to feel like you’re falling or like you’re “riding a roller coaster” or none of the above because here’s the thing: you can grieve in any way that seems best for you. Do what comforts you. Talk about it, or don’t. Above all, ignore anybody who seems to think it’s “time” for you to be healed already because it’s not their grief.

If a “deathiversary” is coming up, know that “you should feel free to spend the day however you like.” Don’t feel bad if you get angry at stupid reactions, empty words, or idiotic “things that may fill you with rage.” Remember that none of this — not one little scrap of it — is your fault. If you had a rough relationship with someone who died, also remember that you don’t have to justify your grief to anyone.

And finally, remember that “grief softens over time.” You’ll learn that it’s perfectly okay to be okay eventually. You’ll never get over your loss but someday, “it will no longer feel like the only thing that” defines you…

If you go in search of “Welcome to the Grief Club,” you might first think that it’s a cutesy bit of fluff. Glance through it briefly, and you’ll see all kinds of cartoony artwork and some colorful graphics. Don’t walk away without looking closer.

In between those drawings — which are a reassuring part of the theme of this book — you’ll find the kind of comfort that a grieving person needs to see. Author Janine Kwoh explains up-front that her words come from experience: she lost someone important in her life, too, which gives her the credibility needed to be blunt with her readers, both in acknowledging the roughest parts of grieving, and in hammering home the fact that grief is individual and survivable. For those who are crushingly overwhelmed or flailing underwater, that can feel like a hug.

Get this book for a loved one, or find it for yourself; you’ll turn to it often, when you need it most. Especially today, “Welcome to the Grief Club” may be the most helpful book you’ll meet.

By Terri Shlichenmeyer

“Welcome to the Grief Club” by Janine Kwoh
c.2021, Workman
$15.95
112 pages