Diamonds, Deadlifts, and Yardsticks
- March 29, 2023
Before I get to the breaking news from the White House, I would like to wish everyone a happy and healthy Thanksgiving. Please enjoy this special time of year with family, friends, and loved ones. As I have learned during my journey, time goes by way too fast, and people you love are not seated
Before I get to the breaking news from the White House, I would like to wish everyone a happy and healthy Thanksgiving. Please enjoy this special time of year with family, friends, and loved ones. As I have learned during my journey, time goes by way too fast, and people you love are not seated at your family table indefinitely.
I am truly blessed and thankful to have an extended family, including the folks I work with and close friends who have grown into brothers and sisters over the years.
I am sure as you’re reading, you’re thinking of people that fit this description in your life. Before you sit down and enjoy that amazing Thanksgiving dinner, make sure that no one is left alone on this special day, invite them over. If they choose to be by themselves for whatever reason, make sure to take them a plate with all the trimmings.
Now, to what’s going on in Washington.
President Joe Biden has just made the annual Thanksgiving announcement that he will pardon the main course for the White House table. In keeping with his administration’s policy and quick use of executive order, he has changed the traditional protocol. He will be pardoning two turkeys, Peanut Butter and Jelly. The birds reside in Indiana. President Biden stated that on the advice of Dr. Anthony Fauci, it would be best for the birds to stay isolated in their home state, so the pair will not appear on the White House lawn for the reprieve and ceremony.
Dr. Fauci then used his press time to reiterate nobody should be traveling during Thanksgiving including the turkeys. He encouraged all Americans not to gather for the traditional family Thanksgiving. He suggested that even family members that reside together should eat separately. After a lengthy lecture on security cameras being used to monitor food contamination, he finished with no leftovers should be given to the family pets.
Now to the unprecedented Presidential pardoning announcement Mr. Biden made. It will probably result in his winning of the prestigious Poultry Pulitzer Prize. With the First Lady, Vice President Kamala Harris, and Dr. Fauci at his side, President Biden professed he would be pardoning all turkeys South of the US/Mexican border, including Central and South America. He made it very clear if the turkeys faced Thanksgiving persecution in their homeland, they could migrate or fly North and receive immediate unquestioned entrance into the United States of America.
President Biden then asked for the American people to open their arms and farms in acceptance of our newest immigrants, noting their diversity of six species. The turkeys will not be required to have a vaccination against COVID or the bird flu prior to entering our Country.
They will have complete clemency for any acts committed prior. It was then noted that Dr. Fauci requested every bird in the mass migration to be masked upon entering the U.S.
Vice President Kamala Harris then took the podium to hit on three major points. 1. Upon crossing the border, the turkey caravan will not be held in prison-like housing. They will be free-range until being transported to sanctuary farms around the Country. 2. That no poults would be separated from their parents. 3. The INS and Border Control forces will not use military dogs. She deems this excessive force and dangerous to our new feathered friends.
VP Harris added that Representative Ilhan Omar has offered transportation and immediate citizenship to all the non-kosher birds that would like to call Minnesota home. Even more impressive was the fact that bazillionaire Bill Gates, who is fastly becoming the largest owner of farmland in our Country, has an immediate place of residence and employment for the entire turkey caravan. His plan is to send the birds immediately into the American workforce to fertilize his fields for plant-based protein crops. The additional turkey excrement will be used in a new formula of rocket fuel for Elon Musk’s space program.
In a troublesome related story, protest and rioting have broken out across the American farmland. Our Nation’s homegrown domestic turkeys have unified over the preferential treatment given to the migrant turkey caravans. The disgruntled birds or domestic turkey terrorists have been burning and looting chicken coops, burglarizing, and stealing all the food from cow and pig troughs, dog and cat dishes, and bird feeders. The turkeys gone wild have vandalized thousands of birdbaths, statues of the American Bald Eagle, and Foghorn and Leghorn.
In response to the situation, Representative Nancy Pelosi, Senator Chuck Schumer, Representative Alexis Ortez, and her squad defend the actions of the American turkeys as peaceful protest protected by the First Amendment.
On a related note, President Biden has downplayed the actual cost of the turkey rioting to the American people.
He was all smiles when he introduced the American Farm Infrastructure Plan to rebuild the chicken coops and provide safe shelter for all creatures.
A final note, Congressman Paul Gosar is in hot water again. The representative from Arizona who was recently censured for his social media post didn’t learn his lesson. He has again infuriated his colleagues in Congress by posting a picture of a roasted turkey with a carving knife. Gosar claimed it was done in good taste as the turkey was cooked perfectly.
Remember, laughter is the best medicine and no political discussions at the Family table.
God Bless America.1 comment
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Esther AckleyNovember 29, 2021, 3:01 pm
WONDERFUL article… Wow, it says it ALL. Thank you for your stand on so many things!!!!REPLY