Diamonds, Deadlifts, and Yardsticks
- March 29, 2023
Are you beyond tired of receiving the following type of calls or messages? Hello, I’m reaching out to you with a great opportunity today, but before I get to that extended warranty package for your car, let me talk to you about a few other things going on that are of the utmost importance. First
Are you beyond tired of receiving the following type of calls or messages? Hello, I’m reaching out to you with a great opportunity today, but before I get to that extended warranty package for your car, let me talk to you about a few other things going on that are of the utmost importance. First up, Congratulations, you are a winner in the Publisher’s Clearing House Sweepstakes! You’re guaranteed a prize of over $10,000 dollars, and this could grow to over one million dollars!! Quick action is required, or you will lose this opportunity. All I need to start the process is some banking information or a money order for $500 to accept this great o er. I then in turn will send you a check for $10,000. You are a winner!
I also see here that you have a winning lottery ticket from several years ago you failed to collect, we can claim that money for you all I need is your name, address, phone number, social security number, and mother’s maiden name. We will secure your winnings and have them sent to you in no time. But wait there’s more, because it’s your lucky day. I have the most fantastic extended warranty package ever offered for your vehicle, even if you don’t own one. Today’s the day to get it done and be driving under the sun.
Speaking of sun, we can help you save money on your home heating bills. President Biden has just signed legislation to make you eligible for solar panels and a state-of-the-art heating system. Just how much is your heating bill? When we install those solar panels on your roof your cash won’t be going up the chimney anymore. is makes you eligible for some savings on your insurance rates because of the effciency and safety rating of the new system.
While we’re talking insurance, after your recent winnings and being as cozy as can be in that solar heated home, don’t worry about your health insurance. I can offer you the best healthcare ever invented, it’s even better than what our elected have in Washington. If past medical bills are dragging you down and lowering your credit score, no problem. This plan even addresses past due medical debt. I understand, how that unexpected lobotomy affected not only your bank account but that credit score. You deserve to have peace of mind. We specialize in helping folks just like you.
If I can get your name, address, phone number, insurance card information, and the name of your first-born, I can get that cleared up for you today for only $499.50. If you are unable to pay me due to your recent misfortune, I have a special offer just for you. We will accept prepaid credit cards or gift cards to any chain restaurant. Before we go any further, this is a great time to talk about deferring taxes. My organization is the worldwide leader in giving to those that need it. We believe charity starts at home. Our plan puts money in the hands of those that really need it. A one-time payment of $450 makes you eligible for a lifetime of tax deductions. Your charitable history of being one of the most giving and gullible people possible prequalily es you for this offer. Unfortunately, I must talk to you about a little
problem, I have noticed you have some past problems with the IRS. It is really nothing to worry about, fortunately my organization can help. It’s better to deal directly with us than to have the IRS come knocking at your door. If you can send me your last tax return along with a check for $450 you will never hear from the IRS.
There’s just one thing we need to do to keep moving forward, I notice your computer is working very slowly. We need to take care of that immediately before that virus spreads. It may result in having more unexpected medical bills. Before we get started, I will need your computer passwords and the name of your favorite pet. We love our 4-legged friends just as much as you do. Any pet’s name that unlocks your personal information is worth noting. This makes you eligible for the Pet Party Birthday Club. Again, this will cost you only $450 and the package includes lifetime technical support at no extra charge.
Thank you for providing all your computer information. My IT professional has come across a message from a family member in crisis. It seems they’re travelling out of town and their car has broken down. I have noticed the same person’s electric has been shut off and they’re behind 6 years in rent payment. They need help now!
It just so happens the great company I work for has you covered on everyday problems like this with family and friends. It’s called our FU Protection Plan. For only $39.95 per month, we can provide you a complete FU Insurance Policy to protect you from any crisis that you will throw money at without asking questions. We investigate the individual’s request and make sure its actual circumstance not just
someone trying to scam you. Unfortunately, I must give you the bad news in today’s world, often the person who takes advantage of someone’s generosity and caring is someone they know. With a story made up just for you to believe.
I hope you had some laughs reading the above and have not fallen victim to any scams. I have heard way too many horror stories recently. Please make the time to talk to the most senior members of your family
about this ever-growing problem. I’ll have more for you next week.
Let’s all be careful out there.
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