My sincere apologies for last week’s absence. I had to deal with a minor family crisis. Mom was decorating the tree and our 10-year-old found his Elf. It was buried deep in an unmarked tote, and he was immediately crushed. Jensen brought it upstairs and demanded an explanation. I wasn’t home, and Mom had no words to help with the situation. His tears were replaced by a sudden rage. Jensen accused us of lying, and said that we were awful parents. We all knew this sad day would ultimately come. Jensen no longer believes in the Elf on the Shelf.

I feel terrible that Jensen found out this way. I always thought he’d hear it from that evil kid who rides his bus. We never intended to traumatize the poor lad. This was totally Mom’s fault. I am somewhat relieved that I no longer have to stay up every single night trying to think of something clever with this creepy critter was getting tough. You tend to forget about after a few beers. Where’s the damn Elf? MY BAD.

I did my best to explain. Jensen was still upset so I offered to buy him a $50 X-Box gift card. I then asked if he’d be interested in a college basketball matinee. The Lycoming Warriors were hosting the Susquehanna University River Walks. Can we stop at Wegmans for those Fortnite V-bucks first? SURE.

Jensen and I are no strangers to Lamade Gymnasium. We try to attend most in not all of the Warriors’ games. Special thanks to my good friend who hooked us up with a Willy Wonka Wolf Pass. I wish I had some extra money to give to your project Glenn. Jensen and I normally sit alone at the far end of Dutch Burch Court. Sometimes we are joined by Ted and Teddy Wilson Jr. Deep, deep conversations. The entire Men’s Lacrosse team showed up all dressed in their daisy dukes one game. It was quite the experience and Jensen enjoyed watching their antics. Why is that kid having a hard time standing up? WE’LL TALK MORE ON THAT LATER J.

Coach Mike McGarvey is in his second year at the helm. The youthful Philadelphia native has a very young and talented squad. Mike’s first recruiting class consists of ten new players. They provide some energy and are a nice compliment to the returning members. Coach does a great job keeping this team together. He has a great knowledge and relates well to his guys.

The Warriors are off to an impressive start. They are currently 6-1 and captured a conference win on Wednesday. Freshman Dyson Harward is leading the charge. The former Danville Ironman is a double double machine and has been named the MAC Commonwealth Defensive POY twice already. Dyson had a school record eight blocked shots against Penn College.

“I am really happy with the progress of our underclassman,” McGarvey explained. “They bring a level of maturity beyond their age. Their collective efforts have already impacted our program in tremendous ways.”