Diamonds, Deadlifts, and Yardsticks
- March 29, 2023
One thing you can count on with the Super Bowl is that there will be a winner decided. In the event of a tie after four quarters, they will go to the old NFL format of sudden death to declare the winner — simply play until somebody wins. I think this system should be adopted
One thing you can count on with the Super Bowl is that there will be a winner decided. In the event of a tie after four quarters, they will go to the old NFL format of sudden death to declare the winner — simply play until somebody wins. I think this system should be adopted by the legislative and executive branches of the federal government. There should be a score kept, a time limit, and a clear-cut winner that all of America can view. One thing is obvious in watching what’s going on in Washington; our government has become way too powerful! Something needs to change, so they go back to work for the American people instead of just eating at the trough of the American taxpayer while accomplishing nothing.
Americans love watching sports — especially football. So when an issue can’t be decided by compromise in a reasonable amount of time — let’s just simply suit up the Republicans and the Democrats and let them have at it on the gridiron.
Just imagine watching President Trump come off the edge on a blitz and knocking House Speaker Nancy Pelosi into the next week. The same opportunity would exist for all the Trump haters. Think of the damage a triple team of Senators Chuck Schumer, Dianne Feinstein, and Representative Maxine Waters could do to President Trump if given the opportunity. There would be flags all over the field for unnecessary roughness and, of course, piling on.
The first thing that would need to be decided is who the head coaches will be for each team. I think it has to be a past president. For the Democrats I think you have to go with former President Bill Clinton — a big Arkansas Razorback and Dallas Cowboy football fan. Although you know Barack Obama would also want the job. Of course, both would be challenged by Hillary Clinton claiming she should get the job because she was actually calling the shots during her husband’s two terms in office.
On the Republican side, the choice would be clear if only the ‘Gipper,’ President Ronald Reagan hadn’t left us for the Great Gridiron in the sky. So that leaves us with former President George W. Bush. The only problem there is former VP Dick Cheney is going to claim he ran the White House for eight years during the younger Bush’s administration. Our game will be in gridlock before it’s even on the gridiron because neither team will be able to select a head coach.
Moving on to the most important position on the field, the quarterback. I think Vice President Mike Pence can do a great job. He’s smart, athletic and he has proven his toughness by being able to take the pounding by the media brought on by their hatred of President Trump.
As far as the quarterback for the Democrats there will be three players sharing time. Senator Minority Leader “Upchuck” Schumer will get the start. Presidential loser Hillary Clinton will also take a lot of snaps. Although one of the qualifications to play in the game is to be an active member of Congress, a deal was struck between Hillary and Head Coach William Clinton for her to participate in exchange for her not to provide evidence that she really was the boss during his days in the Oval Office. Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi will be the third to play quarterback. Although she’s not the most talented, fellow party members believe she would cheat, lie and steal to win. Not to mention just the sound of her voice calling the snap count will cause they Republican Defenders to become annoyed and lose concentration.
Former President Barack Obama negotiated to be both offensive and defensive coordinator, in exchange for withdrawing his name for head coach. There were also many concerns over Head Coach Clinton being distracted by the Republican cheerleaders. This after a report leaked out from Senator Dianne Feinstein’s office that a woman who wanted to remain anonymous informed her Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh was recruiting anybody who looked like Monica Lewinsky to cheer during the game.
Other game notes — President Trump will play every position on the field. When asked about it he said, “It’s because I can, and want to make America great again with a win.”
Representative Rashida Tlaib of Michigan has been suspended for the game over concerns of her targeting President Trump. Officials feel she may lead with her helmet after making the statement, “Impale the m***** f*****.” or maybe it was impeach.
Officials for the game will be the Supreme Court Justices. There is worry over 85-year-old Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s ability to actually ref the game. Speaker Pelosi responded by stating “She will be just as effective officiating as she is in the Supreme Court, besides there’s no way we’re going to allow President Trump to appoint another Supreme Court Justice, I mean referee.”
Senator Richard Blumenthal of Connecticut will not be on the Democrats roster, however, he has already gone on record stating he played and fought hard during the game. Republican Senator Rand Paul’s cries for the Game to be two-hand touch instead of tackle have been ignored. There is still question over Paul’s understanding of which team he will be playing on.
There is no truth to the rumor that the Far Left Liberal Democrats will not participate in the game if the score is kept and everyone is not awarded a participation trophy after the game.
Former VP Joe Biden will serve as a bi-partisan waterboy. Members from both teams have expressed concerns over being inebriated by half time.
Non-bias members of the media Sean Hannity and Don Lemon will operate the scoreboard, replacing election officials from Broward County, Florida who were deemed both too slow and bias for the job.
Well, folks, it should be a good old-fashioned hard-hitting, rivalry game between two teams that really don’t like each other. The good news for the American people, especially those federal workers waiting on a paycheck, something will be decided.
Just thought with everything going on in our Country a good laugh was in order.
God Bless America.1 comment
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Steven RichJanuary 24, 2019, 6:03 pm
Hilarious and right on! Nicely done!REPLY