It’s come to my attention that my 13-year-old nephew bowed out of summer camp to spend a week at his grandmother’s house. Little did he know the same scenario played out for me when I was the same age. If he did, he might have asked for some advice.
Now, I doubt his gram will be up at the crack of dawn with a bugle in one hand and a whip in the other to wake him up for chores. Well, only if he misbehaved the night before. He’s more of an intellectual than a devil, but even so, here are some tips I would have given him before he checked in at “grandparent hotel.”
Scope the surroundings. This means not living in the living room all day in front of the television set. Get outside and explore your new area at your disposal for the week! If it’s in the country, go find some berries to pick (not eat). If gram lives in a residential neighborhood, seek out the local park or convenience store. Walk and hike to them. Grab an ice cream, browse some magazines, take it all in as I did. You may get lucky and even find a pool!
Make your bed. Spare your grandmother the inconvenience and work of picking up after you. Make the bed after you rise and shine. Fold your clothes. Take her dog for a stroll if she has one chomping at the bit to get outside. In other words, just because you’re not at home, don’t lose the responsibilities of being at home.
What’s her name? Go ahead; make yourself available to the cute girls who capture your attention in the new neighborhood. Wow, them with your intellect and faux gold cell phone case. Play your homemade YouTube videos for them to comment on — the go-cart jumps, the feeding of stray lambs. Don’t be shy as I was with Dominic’s sister who lived across the street from my grandparents in Dunmore, Pa. Look, you’re there for a week, not a month. Be a flirt; give them a ride on your handlebars. You did bring your bike, didn’t you?
What’s for dinner? Actually, breakfast and lunch also. Be gracious for what she prepares for you. If it’s horrid, continue to fake it. Ask for pancakes, and I bet she’ll oblige. Ask for pizza each night, and she may pout. If she gets worn out over the stove, take some of your money and treat her to a night at McDonald’s, or a frozen treat at the local ice cream stand. Remember, she’s your grandmother, not a hired chef! Maybe you can even help prepare a meal with her. That’s called bonding, not binding. I suggest baking a pie.
Find the mailbox. Bored silly after day number three of seven? Find some stationary (that’s paper and envelopes) and write to your friends at home. Use street addresses and not email ones. This will enable you to master penmanship and word utilization. Tell them about all the fine girls you met and all the caramel corn you ate. Tell them your gram lives in a mansion and has real, live servants. Draw them a picture of it.
Read some books. Your grandmother’s stash of reading material may be contained to AARP periodicals and some old novels, but you can bring your own or find the local library to explore. There’s bound to be a rainy day thrown in there at some point, so use it to your brains advantage, and read a good book that stirs the soul. Your teachers will also appreciate it!
Wash your armpits. Just because your mother isn’t around to force the issue of personal hygiene, please brush your teeth and floss daily. Use deodorant. Shower and shampoo on a daily basis, especially when it’s humid outside. Change your underwear; don’t recycle it by wearing them inside out. Clip your nails. Be neat and presentable as the “stranger from Williamsport.” Remember a few paragraphs ago about the girls? Trust me, they prefer guys who smell like Old Spice Swagger and not sewer pipe seven!
Snap a few — pictures that is. Take the time to take photos of what was important to you during the week’s stay. I had no camera, just written memories. Make an album if this trek becomes a yearly occurrence! Make sure you date the back of the photo and write a brief description. You know, for future reference.
My grandparents lived in a simple house, in a simple neighborhood, in a simple town. I wish I could tell you about romping in the Hamptons or rubbing elbows with the Kennedys. Wrong gene pool, but it’s quite alright. The walks to the playground or to dinner with them made it special. At night, on their porch, before bed, we looked at the Scranton skyline. All the neighbors were on their porch, each and every night. They met with each other the way people do Facebook now — except that was face-to-face and laugh-to-laugh.
I can only hope my nephew brings good, deep memories from a weeklong stay at the “grandparent hotel.” At first, I thought the differences from then to now would be too great to even compare, but I was royally wrong. He will tell me about the girls he met, the books he read, and the pies he baked.
In an ever-changing world, I am happy we can relate.
The Grandparent Hotel
It’s come to my attention that my 13-year-old nephew bowed out of summer camp to spend a week at his grandmother’s house. Little did he know the same scenario played out for me when I was the same age. If he did, he might have asked for some advice.
Now, I doubt his gram will be up at the crack of dawn with a bugle in one hand and a whip in the other to wake him up for chores. Well, only if he misbehaved the night before. He’s more of an intellectual than a devil, but even so, here are some tips I would have given him before he checked in at “grandparent hotel.”
Scope the surroundings. This means not living in the living room all day in front of the television set. Get outside and explore your new area at your disposal for the week! If it’s in the country, go find some berries to pick (not eat). If gram lives in a residential neighborhood, seek out the local park or convenience store. Walk and hike to them. Grab an ice cream, browse some magazines, take it all in as I did. You may get lucky and even find a pool!
Make your bed. Spare your grandmother the inconvenience and work of picking up after you. Make the bed after you rise and shine. Fold your clothes. Take her dog for a stroll if she has one chomping at the bit to get outside. In other words, just because you’re not at home, don’t lose the responsibilities of being at home.
What’s her name? Go ahead; make yourself available to the cute girls who capture your attention in the new neighborhood. Wow, them with your intellect and faux gold cell phone case. Play your homemade YouTube videos for them to comment on — the go-cart jumps, the feeding of stray lambs. Don’t be shy as I was with Dominic’s sister who lived across the street from my grandparents in Dunmore, Pa. Look, you’re there for a week, not a month. Be a flirt; give them a ride on your handlebars. You did bring your bike, didn’t you?
What’s for dinner? Actually, breakfast and lunch also. Be gracious for what she prepares for you. If it’s horrid, continue to fake it. Ask for pancakes, and I bet she’ll oblige. Ask for pizza each night, and she may pout. If she gets worn out over the stove, take some of your money and treat her to a night at McDonald’s, or a frozen treat at the local ice cream stand. Remember, she’s your grandmother, not a hired chef! Maybe you can even help prepare a meal with her. That’s called bonding, not binding. I suggest baking a pie.
Find the mailbox. Bored silly after day number three of seven? Find some stationary (that’s paper and envelopes) and write to your friends at home. Use street addresses and not email ones. This will enable you to master penmanship and word utilization. Tell them about all the fine girls you met and all the caramel corn you ate. Tell them your gram lives in a mansion and has real, live servants. Draw them a picture of it.
Read some books. Your grandmother’s stash of reading material may be contained to AARP periodicals and some old novels, but you can bring your own or find the local library to explore. There’s bound to be a rainy day thrown in there at some point, so use it to your brains advantage, and read a good book that stirs the soul. Your teachers will also appreciate it!
Wash your armpits. Just because your mother isn’t around to force the issue of personal hygiene, please brush your teeth and floss daily. Use deodorant. Shower and shampoo on a daily basis, especially when it’s humid outside. Change your underwear; don’t recycle it by wearing them inside out. Clip your nails. Be neat and presentable as the “stranger from Williamsport.” Remember a few paragraphs ago about the girls? Trust me, they prefer guys who smell like Old Spice Swagger and not sewer pipe seven!
Snap a few — pictures that is. Take the time to take photos of what was important to you during the week’s stay. I had no camera, just written memories. Make an album if this trek becomes a yearly occurrence! Make sure you date the back of the photo and write a brief description. You know, for future reference.
My grandparents lived in a simple house, in a simple neighborhood, in a simple town. I wish I could tell you about romping in the Hamptons or rubbing elbows with the Kennedys. Wrong gene pool, but it’s quite alright. The walks to the playground or to dinner with them made it special. At night, on their porch, before bed, we looked at the Scranton skyline. All the neighbors were on their porch, each and every night. They met with each other the way people do Facebook now — except that was face-to-face and laugh-to-laugh.
I can only hope my nephew brings good, deep memories from a weeklong stay at the “grandparent hotel.” At first, I thought the differences from then to now would be too great to even compare, but I was royally wrong. He will tell me about the girls he met, the books he read, and the pies he baked.
In an ever-changing world, I am happy we can relate.
Gerry Ayers
AUTHOR
PROFILE