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It’s 2018 – New Ventures, No Dentures…

The New Year has begun in fine fashion. Got some much-needed rest and relaxation, as in getting two days off in a row for me is as rare as a total eclipse of the sun. As our eyes know, that was already last year!

As mentioned in an earlier piece, trying to “give back” with my time and energy is a priority in 2018. It was nice to hand out toy cars and trucks to boys and girls I saw while in doctors’ offices. Also, put things in motion Christmas weekend by taking some eager students on a jovial jaunt to do some “relic reeling.”
That is a trip to the past via antique marts. It is something I did with my parents at a young age, so I am well versed. It can be fun and rewarding.

For many of us, 2018 only proves where we are and how far we’ve gone in life. But for one day it was time to go back to where we were. As usual, I always find a few knick-knacks to come home, but what the kids decided to buy blew my mind.

Not only could it be a “link to the past,” but a “window to the future.” They purchased a vintage Ouija (pronounced WEE-je) board! Wow, for just a few bucks spent on a board game I could see what 2018 holds in store for me! Footnote: Crystal balls intrigue me, but none were to be found.

Not only could this board predict my fate, but I might also want to contact the deceased. Hey Mom, what’s it like rubbing elbows with Sinatra, the Kennedys, Audrey Hepburn, and even George Michael (“Faith”) and Prince (“Purple Rain”) up there? And what is Uncle Billy and niece Ellie up to?

Oh, everyone was excited about the prospects of sitting at a table with a device that was going to shake back and forth with valued and vital information for us!

Then, all of a sudden (around mile marker 143 or so) things did get “shaky” before the Ouija board landed. The youngsters texted their friends and googled online to get facts about this contraption. It began to get creepy.

Some background information: the Ouija, also known as a spirit board or talking board, is a flat board marked with the letters of the alphabet, the numbers 0-9, the words “yes,” “no,” and “goodbye,” along with various symbols and graphics.

A small heart-shaped piece of wood or plastic, called a planchette is used, as participants (suckers?) place their fingers on it and move it around the board to spell out words. According to the game maker, players take turns asking questions and then “wait” to see what the planchette spells out for them.
Can a game that was introduced in 1890 prove relevant today? Spiritualists believed that the deceased were able to contact the living. Some feel this game can lead to demonic possessions. Christians caution inexperienced users against partaking.

The scientific community shuns it; they say the actions of the board can be parsimoniously explained by unconscious moments of those controlling the pointer, a psychophysiological phenomenon known as the ideomotor effect.

So much for the speculation and mumbo jumbo. Let’s get on with it! Hand me the planchette thingy and let’s get this ball rolling! Onto the questions!

Will 2018 be a healthy, cancer-free time period for me?

Will California experience the massive earthquake that everyone has been predicting for decades? Will we be visiting a newly formed island?

Is it humanly possible an attractive, fun loving, car-crazed female proposes to me in 2018? Or perhaps 2023? (In this new age of female awareness and equal pay, let them make the first move. And let them buy the ring!)

If the game board doesn’t rattle, but my pipes are tapping does that mean something in the house is going to break? Or only that Tony Orlando and Dawn are coming to visit?

Will our nation be intact in the year 2018, or will North Korea play with that nuclear warhead detonation button that rests on a lunatic’s desk? Time to cash in the chips?

Can you advise as to where I can locate a set of rubber weather-stripping for my 1993 Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme convertible? Hemming’s Motor News and prayers have not helped in this quest this far.

I think my inquiries to the almighty Ouija board are within reason. I mean I didn’t ask for winning Powerball numbers or Miss America’s cell number. We were preparing to set up a time and date and location to put this board to the test and then.

Fear with a capital “F” seeped into this scene like water into your basement. The kids were told, “bad things shall happen,” after using the board. Not so kind or favorable answers to tough questions may pop up like pesky zits on a rosy complexion.

I thought to myself if the Ouija board is accurate, does the White House utilize it? Did Obama secretly tell Trump he left the board on the top shelf in the library closet? Does Wall Street whip it out when “insider trading” isn’t cutting it? Do Las Vegas gamblers toy with it before a few rounds of blackjack?

I can tell you this regarding 2018. My fragile, but formidable, life consists of what is now and what has been. Nothing more, nothing less. I may be jaded, but I haven’t seen everything.

That includes tomorrow.

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