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Trump/Marino 2016 “The Don” Chooses Tom for VP

A couple weeks ago in my “Not My Father’s Republican Party” (March 9th) article, I praised Congressman Tom Marino’s efforts and fighting for the American people. I rehashed how he stood up to Nancy Pelosi and the liberal demagoguery while other Republicans bury their heads in the sand. I put into ink how he would make a great leader of the House instead of the moron who occupies the position now.

Apparently I am not the only one who has been impressed by Mr. Marino’s knuckles up for his constituents approach. In a Webb Weekly exclusive Congressman Marino reached out to inform me Presidential candidate Donald Trump asked him to serve America as Vice President and complete his ticket for the White House. His response, “I would be honored, Mr. Trump.”

“I was surprised to say the least, I expected Mr. Trump to discuss a leadership role in Congress or maybe a long shot at a cabinet position. I will serve America with the honor and integrity the Americans deserve. I just could not believe the opportunity Mr. Trump presented me with.”

I have no doubt Mr. Marino will make a great Vice President. Thank you for your candor and belief in Webb Weekly to make this announcement Congressman Marino.
Mr. Trump with new VP candidate Marino by his side will make the official announcement on April 1st. They will be holding a press conference at Little League headquarters right here in South Williamsport. They will use Lamade Stadium as a site for the formal event.

“When Mr. Trump called me and asked for the use of the facility how do you say no?” was the response from Steve Keener, headman at Little League Baseball. “We already have a security plan in place and the ability to handle large numbers of media people, what an honor to have Mr. Marino chosen.”

The Trump camp wasted little time planning the event contacting South Williamsport High School Principal Jesse Smith. “Not a call you expect every day. I am humbled Mr. Trump invited our band to perform the National Anthem and ‘God Bless America’ for his announcement. He also asked if we were capable of producing the stage and setting Franklin D. Roosevelt used in 1932 during his “Happy Days are Here Again Campaign.”

“We have great kids and I passed this assignment off to Mr. Rich Zalonis, history teacher here at the High School,” added Mr. Smith.

Mr. Zalonis is on top of it, “I’ve already got a team assembled and accepting the challenge, the stage itself is almost completed.”

Those years of organization as a football coach put to use for Donald Trump, unbelievable.

As an added surprise for Mr. Trump, Mrs. Jessica Kaledas is working on having the band to perform ‘Happy Days are Here Again.’ “It just seemed a perfect choice based upon the theme of the day; I hope Mr. Trump likes it.” I’m sure he will, what a great idea Jessica. Mr. Smith added, “I just wish we had a little more time prior to the event, but I’m confident in the Southside team we put together.” I know they will be ready and do a great job. Thanks for your time, Mr. Smith.

I reached out to Rick Mason at PennDot in Montoursville to check on traffic patterns for the day. “On April 1st we will have Route 15 closed from the Williamsport side of Market Street Bridge to the intersection of 15 and 54 in Montgomery, so plan ahead people.”

I also asked our PA Senator Gene Yaw for comment. “Mr. Marino will do a great job for America and pridefully represent the people of the 10th Congressional District. He will be the first Vice President from Pennsylvania since George M. Dallas served under President James K. Polk in the mid-1800s. Thanks for the knowledge Mr. Yaw.

Tip of the cap and a red, white and blue salute to our own Congressman and VP Candidate Tom Marino. Good luck on the campaign trail.

The White Deer “Eleven”

In staying with the elephant in the room theme, not far down the road from Lamade Stadium is Clyde Peeling’s Reptiland. I know what you’re thinking, what does the GOP VP Candidate and Clyde Peeling’s have to do with each other?

If you have been following the national news, Ringling Brothers Barnum and Bailey Circus are retiring their pachyderms two years earlier than previously planned. Kenneth Feld, Chairman and CEO of the company stated, “The elephant has always been a symbol of the “Greatest Show on Earth.” We are granting the 11 creatures an early retirement from our circus. My good friend Clyde Peeling will be taking care of the elephants and providing them a great home.” Clyde provided me this press release along with the following, “I am overjoyed to add these wonderful animals to my family for people to see and enjoy. It is amazing and unreal this is happening. They will be provided a great home.”

I figured I better go catch up with Mr. Peeling and get the story; there were many questions dancing in my head. He along with representatives from Billy Casper Golf, LLC., who have taken over operations at White Deer, were in his office when I arrived.

Clyde introduced me to Mr. Dick Duffit, VP of Billy Casper Golf; he informed me, “The first executive decision I made in regards to White Deer was to extend the Vintage Course to Mr. Peeling to provide a home for Lycoming County’s newest residents, 11 elephants.” You did what?! Was my response.

“This is a win-win for the people of Lycoming County and Reptiland. The elephants are very tame and will provide no infringement of play on the course. Golfers will be able to play through and see creatures no other golf course has on their grounds.” You don’t say, Mr. Duffit.

He informed me the National Park Service, under the direction of current VP Joe Biden, will subsidize White Deer Golf $12,000 per month for care, housing and feeding the pachyderms. “This negates the fees Billy Casper Golf is charging Lycoming County for their services to manage White Deer,” stated Mr. Duffit.

“We have concerns about the creatures being on a golf course, every precaution needs to be taken to ensure their safety. The only area an elephant would be injured by a golf ball was if it struck them in the eye,” stated Mr. Tre Huger of PETA. “We have provided 11 pairs of safety glasses to protect the elephants’ eyes from the sun and or a random golf shot.” Very nice of Mr. Huger.

I was informed by Dr. Tom Knoebel, VMD of Loyalsock Animal Hospital, “I have volunteered my time to take care of the “White Deer 11,” it’s a big job but somebody had to do it. Do you know how hard it is to give an elephant its shots each year?” I can only imagine and thanks, Doc.

My next question concerned the condition of the course and its future with 11 elephants running around; Mr. Duffit quickly fielded this issue. “Nothing to worry about Jim, the elephants will be good for the course. They will provide natural aeration and fertilization. The fairways will be lush, the greens will play true.” How is this possible Mr. Duffit? “I have worked with Scott Niklaus at Harder Sporting Goods; he obtained 11 pair of Nike Elite golf shoes from a retired NBA player size 24. Mr. Niklaus had the shoes custom fit by Bernardi’s Shoe Hospital.”

Scott at Harders had this to add, “I guarantee the shoes are legit and will only help the course. It was my idea to take out the shoe strings and add the Velcro straps; I just couldn’t imagine someone being responsible for making sure 11 elephants had their shoes tied every day.” Good thinking, Scott, I agree Velcro will make it a much easier job.

So a tip of the cap to Clyde Peeling and all who are helping bring this dream to reality. I almost forgot, Clyde left it slip out; a Trump/Marino representative called him and rented two elephants for April 1st. Mr. Trump and Mr. Marino will be riding the elephants into Lamade Stadium for their official press conference. I wonder if Steve Keener knows this?

Who would have trunk it? A VP and a par three with a pachyderm, right here in Lycoming County.

God Bless America.

Jim Webb

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