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The Top Candidate

It is well known that President George Washington had wooden teeth; President Abraham Lincoln is always imagined with his top hat and beard. Our next President may become known for his long ears. In case you missed it – Bugs Bunny announced his candidacy for the Republican nomination to run for President of the United States.

Mr. Bunny is a long time actor like former President Ronald Ragan. He feels his career in comedy has prepared him to deal with Congress. In a recent interview on Fox News he stated, “There are more jokers and impersonators in the House and Senate then ever worked at Warner Bros.” Bugs is a long time employee of Warner Bros. He recently left to seek a political future. He was the lead man in their Character and Cartoon Division.

When asked what prompted his decision Mr. Bunny answered, “Every run of the mill Republican is hopping into the race, why not me? I think my ability to relate to and understand the American people gives me a good edge. Besides who’s going to vote for those windbags anyway, did you see Rick Perry?”

When asked about his choice for Vice President Bugs was proud to announce, “What’s up, Doc?” Although the mainstream media did not get it I know exactly who he meant, retired Neurosurgeon Dr. Ben Carson. “Doc Carson and I are not cheating rascally lifetime politicians eating all the carrots at the hands of the American taxpayers.” You can’t argue with that! I think Dr. Carson is a fine choice.

Mr. Bunny impressed me with his knowledge of what’s going on inside the Beltway. He also said Elmer Fudd could do a much better job than any of the Secret Service folks protecting the White House. “If elected I will appointment Fudd head of the Secret Service, I know he doesn’t drink, gamble or has ever used the services of a prostitute. He always knows where his weapon is. These qualities probably over qualify him from many who serve Mr. Obama.”

Can’t argue with Bugs there either. Good to hear Elmer and him will be working together again.

A CNN correspondent asked about securing our borders and at first I was a little confused. Mr. Bunny stated, “I will secure our borders with the Department of Holeland Security.” I thought he meant Homeland until he explained, “I will enlist my fellow brethren to dig 1.2 million holes along the border of Mexico. Anyone trying to cross will become entrapped when they fall into my trap. Mr. Tasmanian Devil will oversee the project and head up Holeland Security.”

That is a whole lot more than Mr. Obama has done. I only have two worries, first the Department of Environmental Protection; they will never let anyone dig 1.2 million holes. Heck we can’t complete XL Pipeline or develop the Marcellus Gas Industry without a fight and they all but stymied coal production.

Secondly, that’s way too tough of a punishment on illegal aliens, being trapped in a hole. It far exceeds Mr. Obama’s punishment of giving them a Happy Meal and more rights than the American taxpayer.

I caught up with Bugs in Harrisburg this past week; he was at the Farm Show Building for Paws for a Cause rally. My first question was, what do you think about all the Republicans wantabees? “I think it is a shame at this point in American history they are so divided and can’t unite for the good of America and conservative values. The Liberals stick together and win because of the division within the Republican Party and lack of team and vision by GOP leadership.”I never realized Bugs was so much more than a comic genius.

Did you ever consider running as a Democrat, Mr. Bunny? “No Doc, anyone who opposes or supports Hillary end up arrested, audited, or taking a dirt nap. I try to avoid those three things.”

Lastly and most important Mr. Bunny why do you really think you can win? “Simple answer, Doc, I have four lucky rabbits feet, what candidate can beat that?”

I must say I agree with almost everything Mr. Bunny is campaigning on and has said. His fresh face is a change in the world of politics. Most politicians are pigs feeding at the trough of the hard working American. He also has Time Warner and the American Carrot Association backing him. Today’s presidential elections seem to be about who has the most green behind them. And Bugs has more money than the Clintons. He has the Bugs Bunny Foundation which raises millions of dollars from cartoon actors all over the world. Bugs has recently been criticized for taking money from Vladimir Putin in exchange for shares of Acme Dynamite Company.

Truth be told Mr. Bugs Bunny has a better chance of winning over Hillary Rodham Clinton than any other Republican candidate at this point. Their ollie ollie oxen free approach to finding the right candidate only makes America question the party, their leadership and what kind of plans or ideas they can have for betterment of our Country. Bugs 2016!

God Bless America.

Jim Webb

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