If someone you care about has cancer or another potentially life-threatening diagnosis, you may struggle with what to do. Amid feelings of sadness, disappointment, and even anger, there’s also a desire to say and do the right things to bring comfort and hope to your loved one.
As the support person, what your loved one needs most is an advocate. Listen closely to learn what physical, medical, and emotional needs your loved one may have during treatment and consider the resources available to help you meet them.
Your best resource is your loved one’s medical team. Listen carefully to what they tell you and take notes if it helps you keep track of details. Ask questions, and if you want to do your own research, request recommendations for sources of reliable information.
Be wary of what you may find if researching on the internet — you’ll almost always find what you’re looking for both good and bad. The information on some websites can be inaccurate, and because none of the information is tailored to your loved one’s case, what you find may create unnecessary concern and anxiety.
When your loved one starts treatment, organization will be key. There will be plenty of appointments and a calendar with large blocks of space can help you keep track of important information. Be prepared for every appointment by keeping medication lists, insurance cards, and emergency contacts accessible.
A cancer diagnosis brings to light how fragile life can be. Know that it is common for cancer patients to worry that they may die. If they have children, they will be concerned about missing important milestones in their lives. If they are working, they may be concerned about losing their job and their income and how that might impact the family. Be available to listen and help find resources and brainstorm solutions.
Not everyone is physically and emotionally equipped to be a caregiver. It is better to acknowledge your strengths and ask for support to shore up your weaknesses than to become completely overwhelmed. Family, friends, and neighbors “need to feel needed,” and you can fill that need by assigning them tasks.
Your health is incredibly important, so take care of yourself. It may seem overwhelming and hard, but the better you feel physically and mentally, the better equipped you will be to care for your loved one. Focus on addressing one task at a time and moving forward one hour at a time. Find humor wherever you can.
Cancer care is complex and affects every aspect of the individual’s life. Effectively advocating for them may seem like a tall order, but you’re not alone. At UPMC Hillman Cancer Centers in north central Pennsylvania, we have a dedicated support team with experience in helping caregivers and cancer survivors cope with their numerous challenges and concerns. Talk to your loved one’s care team about what resources are available locally.
by Abdalla Sholi, M.D.
UPMC Hillman Cancer Center
Abdalla Sholi, M.D. is the medical director of Medical Oncology at UPMC Hillman Cancer Centers in Coudersport, Wellsboro, and Williamsport. UPMC Hillman Cancer Center is one of the largest integrated cancer networks in the U.S. To learn more, visit UPMC.com/CancerNCPA.
