Fall is my favorite time of the year to play, and I will occasionally tee it up for a few good causes. The teams and organizations I represent vary, but I will almost never pay my share. Golf is way too expensive. I simply rely on my friends to pick up the tab. I sometimes sit by the phone and wait. I’m a hired gun in the local scramble circuit. Yes. I currently have a promotional video on YouTube that is trending. Give me a call.

A four-person scramble or best ball is the most popular way to generate funds. Golfers hit away, select the best shot and continue to play until the ball is holed. You can totally stink and still have a splendid experience. I prefer playing in these types of formats because of the free beer. I can still hold my own from tee to green. My friends call me Steady Eddie. Nothing flashy. Just solid. So, I don’t hit it as far, but I rarely miss a fairway. My irons and wedges are somewhat legit. I try to impress. My short game is improving, and I will even drop a few putts. You should play more Spencer. No thanks.

My teams always place. OK. We usually win. I get called a ringer from time to time. But that comes with the territory. Our scores all depend on the gimmicks. Scrambles are fundraisers, remember, and you have the opportunity to buy some incentives. Didn’t like your putt? Use this mulligan at $5 apiece. Red tee challenges are my personal favorites. You pay money to move to the reds for a hole. Hit one inside of six inches? Use a ribbon, and it’s good. We made eagle on 16. Did you hole out your second shot? No. Ribbon. Give us $20, and you can deduct a stroke. Duh. I’ve even played in tournaments where you throw a nerf football to improve your position. It’s great. 26 under par? Yes. Gimmicks folks.

I enjoyed playing the Vintage Course at WDGC on Friday and Sunday. I teed it up in the Lycoming College Homecoming Tourney with a few of my good friends. Bill Keiser, Tim Smith, Royce Eyer and I, have golfed in this event for a very long time. I was on fire. Made tons of nice swings and holed many putts. We won the tournament and will get another photo in the Lycourier. My chums were impressed and gave me the MVP. Sunday, I hooked up with some absolute studs. I played with Ross Drick, Aaron Bower, and my former best friend, Bob. My role on this team was totally different. I was there to bunt a few drivers and tell a few jokes. These guys are legit, and they still play a ton. I did what I could to boost morale. I made an absolute bomb for eagle on Vintage 8. My buddies congratulated me on a great read. It was total luck. I also ran into the entire THEIS LEAGUE. I hugged every single one. It was so good to see my old friends in the flesh. Let me buy you a $2.00 Snickers.

So, I contemplated doing a review on the course but decided to pass. There is a big election coming up, and I can’t afford to lose any more friends. People are so sensitive. But you wouldn’t believe the number of folks who still think that I am in the business. I recently took a call from someone asking to book some tee times. I laughed and told him to call Billy. It’s been five years, dude. I also love my friends at Wegmans, who will often corner me with questions. I tend to plead the fifth and politely refrain from any discussion. Look, it wasn’t my idea to replace the bunkers, Charlie. Don’t hit your ball there. I am out of the loop, man. I actually was hoping the County would use those funds for a canoe launch on Lycoming. You are correct. That is entirely bogus. But I had nothing to do with purchasing 144 new carts without any rain hoods. Maybe the Commissioners were looking to save money. You can’t make it up.

No. I have not changed anything in my bag the past few seasons. I still have the exact same clubs. I am retired and only play in a few scrambles. Believe it or not, I’ve had the same irons since college. True story. They are 22 years old. My Titleist DCI 962s 4-9 have seen better days. I have three Titleist Vokey wedges. 48, 54, and 60 is my current setup. I have a 20 degree Callaway hybrid, but I never actually swing it. I only keep it around because it has a cool headcover. I have an old reliable Nike 3 wood and an old school Titleist 905T 8.5 degree driver. I’m always searching for the right putter. I currently rotate between twelve. This Scotty Cameron better start producing, or it’s going back in the garage.

Look, golf is a great game, and I miss the camaraderie. But it’s expensive to play, and it takes a lot of time. I love it when folks ask me to join, especially if they are paying. I seriously can’t tell you the last time I played my own ball. I now stick to scrambles. Cheers.