Reader’s Alert: This article is meant as sarcasm. So read, relax, and enjoy the fun!

At a recent County Commissioner’s Meeting, there was quite a debate over televising the proceedings. Now, the problem with the idea is that even though they are televised in other area municipalities, it has revealed the dirty little secret that these meetings are — well, how can we say this but to just say it — boring! The ascetics are horrible to work with. I mean, you have a single camera pointed toward the front where the officials are seated, one microphone to pick up all the sound, which is bad enough, but what happens when others address the official? All we get is hearing their disembodied voice off somewhere, as we get to watch the officials nod their heads or scratch them, as the case may be.

Of course, the county could spend more money and get more than one camera and better acoustics, but this requires a technician to monitor it all, edit the material, load it up for viewing, etc., etc., and with that, it has turned into a real Magilla Gorilla.

Let’s face it; this idea needs some serious adjustments if it is going to work. If the county is stuck with the one camera/one microphone situation, then these deficiencies should be turned into a marketing feature. Instead of advertising “Commissioner Meeting,” make it “Cure for Insomnia.” Picture this television commercial — the three commissioners staring forward, quiet music in the background, and a voice-over softly remarks, “Do you have trouble sleeping at night? Can’t get your mind off your day’s troubles? Try watching, ‘Cure for Insomnia,’ a weekly program of the Lycoming County Commissioners. Watch your eyes droop listening to Commissioner Tony Mussare speak quietly because he never seems to get close enough to his microphone to be heard. Find yourself slowly slipping into Sleepy Time hearing the never-modulating voice of Chairman Jack McKernan or the ever-charming/beguiling voice of Commissioner Rick Mirabito. Take your commissioners with you to bed tonight, and you’ll never sleep better.”

OK, maybe that might not be the best way to promote the Commissioner’s Program. Perhaps it just needs a twist, like naming it “Pet Your Program.” Each of the commissioners has their own special program they like to promote, so when they mention it in the meeting, those watching can call in that they caught it. So, when Tony Mussare says, “Eagle Scouts,” or Rick Mirabito mentions, “early reading programs,” viewers get on the phone and get points for catching them petting their program. Rather than prizes (which the county cannot afford, of course), winners could get to come to the meeting and pet their own program.

Still not impressed, huh? OK, maybe the format needs to be totally changed. How about a day-time drama, perhaps with the name “As the County Churns.” Or maybe a game show, something like “Do you know more than a County Commissioner?” See? The possibilities are endless!

So, I am all in for televised commissioner meetings, and will freely volunteer my expertise in advising how to make them as exciting and interesting as possible. That’s what we do here at County Hall Corner!