There I was in Lamade Gymnasium. Dutch Burch Court. Lycoming College. The locals refer to my spot as Spencer Row. I’ve sat in the same area for the past 30 years. My rents used to join me, but then they moved. Teach and Jensen will occasionally show for the weekend matinees. Not tonight. They both had school the following day.

I try to get there early just in case. That’s my section, and there are no assigned seats. Sorry Cheerleaders. Hey freshmen. Move. I’m glad the wolf mascot is back. But he/she can’t reside here. I enjoy watching warmups and saying hello to my young friends. Most of the Warriors give me a fist bump during pregame. That makes me feel cool. This tradition goes back a few decades. It only costs me a few $20s around the holidays. Buy your chum’s love.

Division III basketball is legit. I practiced and sat on the bench at this level many moons back. The game has since changed. The kids today are much more polished. Super athletic and lightning fast. Very tall and handsome. Physical and tough. It is a man’s game. Fantastic hoops. You should really check it out. Perfect venue. Fun and festive. Awesome setting.

I was excited to see Coach Linebaugh and the Warriors. Many returning vets with a few new faces. Lycoming split their first two games this past weekend. Keuka College was our opponent in this non-conference challenge. I had a chance to say hey to the refs. Yes. I know most.

My boss Joe Guistina grabbed me moments before the tip. I was thinking he needed something for #warriorgolf. SID Joe was in a panic. He asked if I would do the public address. ABSOLUTELY JOE! This could be my big chance. I was the guy for the job. I am a basketball junkie. A broadcaster. A former player and coach. A writer. How hard could it be?

My guys from Montoursville helped me get settled. Kevin Carl does the clock, and Kevin Mac keeps the score. Joe gave me a few instructions, and he cut the cord. The clock hit zero. And I was ready to go. “Ladies and Gentlemen. On behalf of Lycoming College and the Landmark Conference, we welcome you to tonight’s game….”

I was rolling. Clear and smooth. My mom would be proud. Wait. I forgot to tell her the news. The anthem was over. There was applause. The teams were now huddled. The stands were packed. All eyes were on me and my microphone. It was time to dance. I was so confident. No warmup needed. I have been waiting for this moment my entire life. “A 5’11” Sophomore from Cleveland. AKEYKILANA POOPOLA??? A 6’6” Junior from the Bronx. KALEB NUTIFAFA??? A 6’7” Senior from Ontario, Canada. JULES GIANOKUPOlOUS?” It got ugly. I lost my swagger real quick.

I got better when the game went on. I nailed every Lycoming pronunciation. I dropped several 1 AAAAND 1s for my guy Larry Basset. I even threw in some daggers. WOAH NELLIE. ANOTHER 3-POINTER BY CONNOR SHANNAHAN. HAYDEN PARDOE WITH THE OLD SCHOOL STEP BACK. SCORE THE GOAL. THE DIME FROM PRINCE LAYTON. I continued to butcher the boys from Keuka. It’s cool. They understood. I started giving them nicknames. BASKET BY JTG. The Warriors went on to win. 71-59. It was a super fun night in Lamade Gymnasium. I had the best seat in the house. I even received a few compliments. I was only filling in. I got the call at the very last minute. Been there, done that. Mark it off the list. I am okay with going back to my usual spot. Appreciate the opportunity, Joe. I had a ball being a scab. Cheers.