(Please note: the rabbit is real, but this article is satire for fun)
In April of this year, the head librarian of the Montgomery Area Public Library, Amber Adams, got permission from her board of directors to bring a rabbit into the library for the children. As VP of the board, I thought the idea was weird but went along with it. I did not realize how brilliant Monty turned out to be until we had a talk together.
You see, I worked with the CIA decades ago, and we used Bunny Language (BL) among ourselves to deceive the KGB. I was walking by his cage when I heard him say in BL, “This guy looks like a kid disguised as a man.” I stopped and responded back in BL, “And you look like a big fur ball disguised as a rabbit.” There was no one around, so we decided to have a quick chat.
Me: How old are you, Monty?
Monty: I was born on January 30th of this year.
Me: Did you expect to be a library pet?
Monty: Of course not, but anything was better than living with my original owner. He named me Hoffa after some kind of gangster. He must have thought I was a Pekinese dog rather than an English Angora rabbit. Here at the Montgomery Library, I get to play with kids all day long.
Me: Well, Monty, let’s be honest. It is not exactly playing that you do, given that Miss Amber and her staff never let you out of their sight when you are with the kids and their parents. It seems all you do is sit there looking cute.
Monty: That’s because I am cute.
Me: OK, OK, I agree, you are cute. And everyone tells me you are very sociable. You let anyone and everyone stroke your beautiful coat of fur as long as they want.
Monty: And I am in good shape, too — compact body, thick, wooly, silky coat. At five pounds, I think I am carrying my weight around here.
Me: What do you think of the library itself?
Monty: Well, this is my first library, so I don’t have much to compare it to. The lady librarians here are wonderful, and the members seem to like their library a lot. I also noticed that people come from all over the USA to this place. That giant vault back there gives me a lot of competition for attention.
Me: Yes, especially in summer, this area does see its share of tourists. The building was originally a bank 100 years ago. When the bank moved out in 1987, the library moved in.
Monty: Well, I think they’ll get a good ten years out of me. I am in good shape.
Me: Oh, look, Miss Amber is coming back. We better wrap this up. By the way, I am a writer, and I want to make sure I get your name right. It’s just Monty, right?
Monty: That’s my nickname. My official name is Montgomery Harrison Adams. Montgomery, since this is the name of the library and town, Adams after my official owner, Amber Adams, and Harrison after some guy named George Harrison. I think he was some kind of bug.
Me: No, Monty, not a bug but a Beatle. He was a rock star — just like you are in this little town.
