Note: This is the ninth article in a series called Overcoming the Five Failures of Us. Previous articles are always available at http://www.webbweekly.com.
In response to God’s convicting and awakening grace (last week’s article), we have the opportunity to take important steps on the narrow pathway that leads to redemption. Our first step is confession.
I refer to confession as a discipline because it is not easy. It is painful, but it is good pain that moves us forward on the redemptive path. Confession fully opens our hearts to the powerful flow of God’s grace and releases healing grace to the injured.
Confession has three components:
1. An unguarded description of the trespass—no excuses, minimizing, or blame shifting. Confession matches what God already knows about our sin — and it agrees with what He says about our sin.
2. A remorseful statement regarding the negative consequences suffered by the injured. This is also the first step in restitution.
3. A description of the corrections being made so the same trespass does not happen again. A confession is proven to be meaningless if the trespass just keeps happening.
The reasons we struggle with confession:
1. An uncaring temperament. If you have this, then you lack natural sympathy or empathy and are unaware of the pain you are causing others.
2. Ignorance. If you were never taught about confession or saw it modeled, then confession will seem foreign to you.
3. Low self-esteem. If you don’t feel good about yourself, then you will really struggle with the vulnerability required to make confession.
4. A desire to keep or gain power. The ambitious don’t apologize, and neither do those claiming victim status.
5. A hardened heart. If you have rejected God’s convicting grace, then your conscience has become hardened.
Regardless of the reason we struggle, we must overcome. Overcoming these struggles takes intentional effort and the willingness to suffer redemptive pain. Again, that’s why confession is a discipline. Friends, Jesus is calling on us to overcome – and God’s grace makes it possible. We have no excuses.
When we confess:
1. God’s redeeming grace flows unimpeded into our hearts, resulting in reconciliation and peace with God.
2. Healing justice is released into the heart of the injured.
3. We experience pain. Through it, we learn and mature, increasing our resistance against future temptation.
4. We provide a healthy model for others to follow.
Cautions about Confession:
1. Too much. Constantly apologizing or over-apologizing is an accusation that the other person is easily offended or unwilling to forgive.
2. Too public. Public confession is often narcissistic attention-seeking. If handled improperly, public confession worsens the injury to the victim or implicates other people. It is wise to seek counsel before making a public confession.
3. Too private. Private confession may leave behind unresolved consequences of the trespass, opening the door for ongoing speculation, rumor, and resentment. Confession should include all who were exposed to the trespass.
Not Sorry Madness. In our culture, confession often begins with “I’m sorry for . . . ” Sorry is defined as feeling and expressing regret and remorse for an action that has upset, inconvenienced, injured, or caused a negative consequence for someone else.
Sadly, we are living in a time when people no longer say they’re sorry. Some of this is attributable to wrong-headed beliefs that have taken root in our minds. Here are some of the statements used to support the not-sorry madness:
Never say you’re sorry. Really? You never do anything wrong or discourteous? You never inconvenience someone else? The unwillingness to say sorry reveals ignorance, or arrogant pride, or uncaring insensitivity, or low self-esteem, or some other form of mental/emotional damage or dysfunction.
Some people will never apologize. Instead, they will accuse you of being too sensitive or not understanding their purpose or humor. When we encounter such people, we need to forgive and move on. We can’t let them live rent-free in our heads. Doing so would make us guilty of living in bitterness.
We also need to ask ourselves, “Is it true? Am I too easy to offend?” Some people are offended even without an offense, and everyone around them walks on eggshells. We should be hard to offend and quick to forgive. Proverbs 19:11 says: It is to one’s glory to overlook an offense. I Corinthians 13:5 tells us that love is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. I Peter 4:8 teaches: Above all, love each other deeply because love covers over a multitude of sins.
Love means never having to say you’re sorry. What a crock! Love requires the risk of vulnerability — and that means we’re going to step on each other from time to time. I’m sorry is a vital and often-used phrase in any loving relationship.
Romans 12:9-21 describes what love looks like in action. In verse 18 it says: If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. In Matthew 5:23-24, Jesus teaches: If you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First, go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift. Confession is so important that Jesus makes it a first step in the worship of God. We need to stop the not-sorry madness!
Confession doesn’t change the past – it sets the future free. Let’s fully engage the discipline of confession and watch as God pours out His redemptive grace!
