I am now 68 years old. I was born in 1954 to Jean and Albert Petcavage, and to the best of my knowledge, my parents did not believe in middle names, so I was named at birth, or at least I thought I was until recently, just Paul Petcavage. I did eventually obtain a confirmation name, Joseph, but that was long after the ink on the birth certificate was dry. I do use the initial J. for Joseph in my professional life, but that’s just to add a little pizazz to my signing and initialing of legal documents.

Imagine my surprise when about two years ago, after I had sent to the Department of Health to obtain an official birth certificate, my name was listed on this certified certificate, as Paul “O.” Petcavage! After I studied the document duplicates in-fact — as I always tended to get two of everything — it was clear on both; my name was now Paul “O.” Petcavage. Who knew after 68 years?

My parents are both deceased, so I could not ask them, so I did the next best thing. I asked my surviving sibling, and she assured me that Mom and Dad gave none of us middle initials. I next called the Department of Health. After about an hour and a half of listening to elevator music, a very pleasant lady came on the phone, and after I explained the apparent mistake, she told me to hold on while she checked the archives. Yes, I’m now that old that my records are archived — and after another 1/2 hour of elevator music, she came back and confirmed that there was a marking on the original card that both my parents had originally signed, and it looked like an “O,” and that my official name was Paul “O” Petcavage!

After I mulled this new, unexpected development in my life over, I began to wonder what the “O” might stand for-Omar, Oscar, Othello? It could be anything, as no further details from the birth card were apparently available. I suddenly remembered that back in 1972, I had obtained a certified birth certificate, and to the best of my remembrance, there was no “O.” After a frantic all-out search of my house, I finally found it, and it said just Paul Petcavage, and it was in fact certified! I’ll show them I’m not Paul “O”!

I triumphantly called that Department of Health back — more elevator music — and then a not particularly nice lady came on the line. I explained the situation, and when she quite arrogantly said no, it looks like an “O” on your birth card, and so at this point, your full name is Paul O. Petcavage. I argued with her briefly, and then I played my trump card, telling them I had in my hand a certified birth certificate issued to me in 1972 that clearly said my name was Paul Petcavage! She said, well, “they” must have made a mistake back then and inadvertently issued it without the “O”! Aggh, really! Who are they, and why did they wait 60+ plus years to make this finding? So, I said, but the “they” that made a mistake is you — the Department of Health, and I’d like you to correct this error. Paul “O” is not my name! Oh, she said, I couldn’t do that even if I wanted to — you’ll have to submit a formal request with a copy of both certificates — the wrong one, in my humble opinion, and the right one, in in my humble opinion — and “someone” will look into the issue.

So, dutifully, I did as I was instructed, cursing under my breath, and after about a four-month wait, I finally got a response — if you wish to change your name from the official birth record, you will need to send a Court Order authorizing us to make the requested change! You can’t make this stuff up!