Being a parent is one of the hardest jobs but the best thing we’ll ever do in our lives. Raising kids in this day and age isn’t easy, though. My biggest concern in the mid-’90s was to make sure my butt was home by dark and watching my attitude inside JCPenney. (If you didn’t read my column two weeks ago, that explains more about good ole JCPenney. Haha!) I was the last generation to go outside with friends on bikes all day and dig in the dirt while eating a Flintstone sherbet ice cream push-up pop. Now it’s gaming systems and cell phones.
Everyone parents differently, and everyone thinks that their way is the right way. I’m sick of parents thinking they are “The World’s Best Parents,” while these are the ones who put other parents down because they think their way is the “right” way. That disciplining our children is wrong. News flash, you aren’t perfect, and neither are your kids. No child is perfect, and as parents, it’s impossible to parent perfectly.
We all will fail our children at some point, and that’s OK! Our kids will disappoint us at some point, and that’s OK! We tell them why they were wrong, tell them that we are disappointed in them, but still love them unconditionally!
I can’t tell you how many times throughout my school years, my parents would tell me they were disappointed in my actions. “You weren’t brought up this way, Andrea Sue!” they would say. Many times, I got my butt wailed. Many times, I was grounded. Pretty sure I was grounded seventy percent of the time in my teenage years. And if Mom said, “You just wait until your dad gets home!” I knew I was in hot water and really went over the line she spoke of.
So because I was bad, and acted out, did that make my parents bad parents? No. Did it mean I was a bad kid? No. I was a kid, learning from my mistakes, and now I look back, and I am thankful my parents set me on the straight and narrow. My parents did the best they could. Kids must have rules and boundaries, and if they don’t listen, there must be consequences in order for them to know what they did was wrong.
A few weeks ago, we had a surprise retirement party for our momma. At that retirement party was a salad bar. After this party, those leftover veggies went in the back of our car. As we left, the kids ran out to our car, and I hugged my brother goodbye and thanked him and his family for all the help that day and making it such a great night for mom. When I got to the car, it was starting to spit rain. I noticed the back window was wet. I wiped it with my finger and said, “What’s on the window of the car!?” The two kids in the back acted like they had no idea where this weird streak came from. It knew it wasn’t from the rain by the way it lay on the window.
As we got home, and our twelve-year-old son Tyler wasn’t around, Kenzy said, “Momma. I know what happened to the window. Tyler cut a cucumber in it.”
I was like, “He did what!?”
“Yup, momma. He ‘stucked’ that cucumber in the car window to see if it would chop it in half.”
At this point, deep down, I am trying not to laugh. I don’t care who you are, that is funny!
But the other half of me was jacked. What on earth would possess him to do this? I knew when I told his dad that he would want to whoop that butt of his. But, I had a better idea that would teach him a bigger lesson. Before confronting him, we checked out the evidence. Sure enough, there was my whole cucumber left in the bag, smothered by a car window. The tip was completely missing.
“Hey, Ty. What happened to my cucumber?” I asked.
He looked like he had just seen a ghost.
“Uhhh. Ummm. I wanted to see if I could chop it in the car window,” he mumbled.
“You did what? What on earth would you do that for Tyler John!?” I questioned. (See, if you throw that middle name in there like my parents did to me, you knew you did something wrong.)
“I don’t know. Just wanted to see if it would work, I guess, and make Kenzy laugh,” he answered.
We proceeded to tell him that was something we worked hard for, and he disrespected the vehicle. Out of all the cars we own, he chose to try this in our Subaru STI, but we told him we didn’t care what vehicle! Black Betty (our Yukon) is just as important to us, and that wasn’t the point. You have to respect the things you own.
So I said, “Ty, this is how it’s gonna go. Tomorrow morning after church, you are going to go out to the car and clean that window.” (I literally cleaned all the windows inside that Wednesday and detailed the dash, but he didn’t know this.)
“Then, after you are done with that window, you are going to vacuum the car out since I didn’t have time for that on Wednesday. That includes vacuuming out the trunk. Then, THEN buddy, you are going to wash the car. And let me tell you, it better be shining when you are done, or you will do it all over again.”
He was not happy with the results of his actions, and the next day he was almost in tears but did it anyway. Two hours later, he came in to tell me he was done.
The car looked fantastic, and I told him how proud of him I was for the effort he put into it. Then I ended by asking, “So my son, let me ask you, I bet you won’t decide to chop any more produce in any car window again, right!?”
“No, I won’t, Mom! I learned my lesson!”
Some people may think this was too harsh of a punishment. But what would he have learned just wiping off the window? I wanted to dig deeper, so next time, he will remember his actions come with consequences. We had a lot of compliments on how nice our car looked days after. That hyper really came out on our hyper blue car. It popped!
Moral of the story: Kids need structure. They need boundaries set. They need lessons learned. As parents, we have to give them tough love and be a mean parent because we love them! I promise down the road; your kids will thank you. I know I have already thanked my parents for the discipline I had as a child and my butt whooping in JCPenney’s. That has helped mold me into who I am today.
Oh, and also, yes, a car window will indeed chop a cucumber in half.
Apple Slice Snack
– Green apple
– Peanut Butter
– Oats
– Cinnamon
Clean and slice your favorite apple. Top with peanut butter, then sprinkle with oats and cinnamon. Enjoy!
