“Why is a raven like a writing desk?” This was a riddle asked by the Mad Hatter in Lewis Carroll’s classic, Alice’s Adventure in Wonderland. I must admit that I am beginning to wonder if I have not fallen down the rabbit hole with Alice when it comes to the English language. I discovered the difficulties of communication when living in Europe. For example, I was asked, why do we say in English that we “dust the furniture” when we are removing the dust? Are we not “undusting” the furniture? I was too embarrassed to tell them we also “weed a garden” when we are actually “unweeding” it.

English is a language without logic. We recite at a play but play at a recital. Our noses run while our feet smell. “Just a few” means not many, but “quite a few” is a lot. How can a slim chance and fat chance be the same thing, but a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? Why is a boxing ring square? Why does an alarm go off when it goes on?

Pity anyone learning English as they must reconcile that we ship cargo by truck and send cargo by ship. A house will burn up as it burns down. We fill in a form by filling it out.

If this is not bad enough, we saturate our language with colloquialisms in America, especially relating to sports. I cannot tell you the number of times that a translator would look at me when a guest speaker used expressions like “down for the count,” “he struck out,” “he hit it out of the park,” “they threw a Hail Mary,” “it was time to punt,” and many, many more. And I don’t even want to mention slang.

It makes a person wonder who came up with this language anyway. The same words can mean different things. The marine sergeant tells the soldier he could lead if he gets the lead out. I did not object to the object. The insurance was invalid for the invalid. The farm was used to produce produce. They were too close to the door to close it. The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

So, given all this complexity and confusion in our common language, why do we make it worse by using words that should not be used? For example, why is someone an “insurrectionist” for peacefully practicing their first amendment right to assembly? Or why is a man considered a “racist” for quoting Martin Luther King Jr.’s desire for his children NOT to be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of the character? The political class inhabiting Washington, D.C., twists and bends the language so much that words lose their meaning. Riots that burn down whole city blocks are considered “mostly peaceful,” and “free speech” is considered dangerous.

More and more today, we have lost our clarity and focus in our society because our language has been used as a weapon against others or a tool of misdirection. This is why those who control the means of communication have more power than armies.

This brings us back to Alice in Wonderland. Alice meets Humpty Dumpty sitting on a wall, and Alice finds it very difficult to talk to him. At one point in the conversation, Humpty Dumpty uses the word “glory” to mean “a nice knock-down argument.” Alice objected, but he retorted.

“‘When I use a word,’ Humpty Dumpty said in rather a scornful tone, ‘it means just what I choose it to mean — neither more nor less.’

“‘The question is,’ said Alice, ‘whether you can make words mean so many different things’” “‘The question is,’ said Humpty Dumpty, ‘which is to be master—that’s all.’” (Because who is master defines what words mean!)

And in conclusion, for those who made it to the end of this excursion down Language Lane, you receive a reward that Lewis Carroll did not give his readers. None of the characters could answer the Mad Hatter’s riddle, “Why is a raven like a writing desk?” Google it, and you will find “experts” who claim a wide variety of idiotic answers, but Carroll was apparently an admirer of Edgar Allen Poe, which is an important clue. The simple answer to the riddle — Poe wrote on both of them. (Edgar Allen Poe wrote a poem, “The Raven,” and he wrote on a writing desk… get it?).