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Social Skills From a Social Distance

As COVID restrictions begin to relax, we may start to notice that our littles have lost some ground on their social skills. Some kids still may not fully understand why they have had to skip play dates or avoid sitting together at lunch tables inside school cafeterias. Older children who are aware of much more, are probably over social distancing and may have started to question the benefits of staying home.

Social distancing has helped to maintain public safety, but there’s no denying such measures have produced some difficult side effects, some of which may be felt long after the pandemic has ended. For instance, some experts suggest that social distancing has the potential to affect long-term social development.

“When young children are learning the basics of being social beings, their parents and siblings can provide most of the input they need,” says Amy Learmonth, Ph.D., a developmental psychologist who runs the Cognition, Memory and Development Lab at William Paterson University in New Jersey and has studied children as young as eight weeks old. In fact, having parents and siblings home much of the time actually can be a boon for children age five and younger.

On the flipside, Learmonth says older children and adolescents develop those skills by learning to “navigate complex social groups of peers.” Extended seclusion from peers could be stripping opportunities to naturally develop social skills, particularly the longer social distancing goes on.

Clinical psychologist Laura Markham, founder of the site Aha! Parenting, indicates that kids “practice reading social cues and learn constructive social responses — including the give-and-take of conversation — how to self-regulate when they get annoyed at another person, and how to ask for what they need in a socially acceptable way” through in-person encounters.

So, what can parents do to help our kids navigate the social world from a social distance? It will hopefully get a little easier in the coming months, but in the meantime, here are some tips!

Schedule virtual play dates. While it may not be the same as hanging out in person, virtual play dates can provide one-on-one interaction with friends and help to maintain preexisting positive peer connections.

Plan outdoor activities. With the weather (FINALLY!) breaking, people from different households can interact outdoors, provided they keep safe distances. This can be advantageous to teenagers chomping at the bit to hang out with friends. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention says one can become infected with COVID-19 when an infected person coughs, sneezes or talks and those droplets enter the mouth or nose of another. Outdoor fresh air disperses virus particles and people are more able to keep their distance from others. Sitting in a backyard, walking a boardwalk, or riding bikes together are some ways for tweens and teens to safely maintain social connections.

Practice good manners. When at home, families can continue to interact and offer opportunities to talk, listen and practice social manners. I am a proponent of good manners (sometime obnoxiously so) and social isolation can take a toll on those skills. It never hurts to brush up on our Ps & Qs. Also, does anyone know what Ps & Qs stands for? Maybe I’ll write about that next week!

Foster game nights. Encourage social interaction at home with family game nights that involve board games or video games. Teens and tweens can also do multiplayer games with friends over the internet through their favorite gaming consoles.

Also, while I totally understand some parents’ frustrations with online gaming (no you don’t need more V-Bucks, I don’t care how cool that skin is), give a little leeway here. This is additional social interaction that can be beneficial. This is not to say give kids free reign of screen time, but a little bonus time (especially if earned by chores or reading) can help kids stay in touch with friends.

A little creativity can help parents find ways to promote socialization in their children as the world continues to practice social distancing. Because while we will be seeing a relaxing of the mask rules, I believe that the social distancing requirements are going to be around for far longer.

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