There’s going to come a time, and it should be fun, that our pets will be able to communicate to us with more than a mere bark or meow. Some type of app, linked to their brain, plugged into our laptop or cell phone will expose their thoughts, channel and funnel them, then translate them into which language you use.

My question: will we be ready for this pet-tech? Are the pets (inmates in some cases) content? Or do they demand more and can’t (at the time) get it.

I imagined this in motion and picked two fine candidates to lead the way. We have a cat who has the characteristics of a dog and a dog who thinks he is two or three times his actual size! The first is my fathers rare as hens’ teeth Turkish Van cat (supposedly only a few hundred on the eastern seaboard). Our second guinea pig is a Jack Russell Terrier owned and walked by Beth Malone and family, just a corner away.

A brief background on them. Patch is a Jack Russell Terrier, developed in England over 200 years ago to hunt foxes. They weigh 13 to 17 pounds and have a height of ten inches to 15 inches tall. They have a lifespan of 10 to 15 years. These Terriers are the biggest dogs you’ll ever meet in a tiny package. Another sharply intelligent breed of animal, they let nothing get by them! There is just no fooling a JRT!

Like the T-Van cat — they are high spirited and sassy, with minds of their own, and cause mischief on purpose to get a reaction from owners or onlookers.

Onto Biddle, the T-Van, the alpha-male jock of the cat world. Nonstop jumpers and activity seekers, they are vocal and beautiful to not only look at but also pet. Their fur is as soft as cashmere; their muscular, chiseled build complements their pure white body with orange tail and small body markings. Always pink paws and nose. Fully mature in three to five years, males can grow up to three feet in length and over 20 pounds. Intelligent beasts, they like to perch themselves up high on mantles or tables and will follow people around like dogs.

Onto the interview!

G: Fellows, you like what you see in the mirror?

B: Not being cocky, but yes. My rippled bod and protruding jawline make me standout amongst flabby felines. People can’t keep their hands off me, but I hate being held. It ruffles the fur and jostles the guts!

P: Cats tend to be more vain; they lick themselves all day like they have nothing else to do! People think I’m cute; they love my markings and tiny size. If I were a piece of candy, I’d be a petit four!

G: Tell me about your owners.

P: I hang out in Loyalsock with a mom Beth, a father Gary, a brother Jimmy, and sister Sarah. They like to walk me; it’s beautiful here. Cold mornings don’t bother me. I’m pampered and reward them by napping by their side. The leash sucks.

B: Turkish Vans tend to bond like cement with two people in their lifetimes. Mine would be with Gerry Sr. and Gerry Jr. Senior watches old movies most of the day, but junior likes to wrestle and play when he visits. He also lets me out to roam under his watchful eye. And guess what? No sign in this neighborhood that says “pick up after your cat.” I can “stand and deliver” at will. Patch’s owner has to carry bags and gloves.

G: Favorite time of the year?

P: Holidays. I get treated like royalty around that time. Guests, treats, tearing up wrapping. Good days!

B: I like when Gerry’s nephew and niece come over for the day. They like to frolic. I put on a show for them they never forget and sometimes save on their silly phone. My second life would be in the circus. From what I understand the circus is no more.

G: Anything about us humans that get under your skin?

P: The garbage you guys watch on that screen. Game shows irk me. And sports, sports, sports. Especially in this house!

B: I can second that. Those news shows revealing abused friends and relatives in the animal world are gut-wrenching. Like that “game commissioner” in Idaho who went away to Nambia to shoot a giraffe, a leopard, and a family of baboons. He wasn’t content with that and had to kill dozens more. You people can be amazingly kind, but many times cruel. Maybe scatter humans on an open range with no arsenal and see what happens. Amazing how killing an animal for a tusk or tiger skin is such a priority. I see starving children who need this level of desire.

P: No scarcity of pets to adopt either. We love humans who put their money where their mouth is. Until now we really couldn’t speak for ourselves. We hope you understand where we are coming from.

I am afraid at this point I don’t have anything else to say to them. Only to myself.