If “Alexa” is truly taking the nation by storm, then somehow it passed me up. Or should I say, I passed her up because “she” has to be installed before taking any commands from me or anyone else.

Alexa honey, what can you really do for me?

I know you were released (born) by Amazon in November of 2014 under code name Echo, a cylindrical smart home speaker imbedded with artificial intelligence. It’s popular in many households.

We’re off to a poor start already. I don’t like anything artificial aimed my way, and if it’s “popular,” made that way by the masses, it breeds more doubt.

Being old school, I don’t have the time or desire to purchase an Echo (I hear they are free for the asking, thus more speculation) device, then download the Alexa app on a phone. I have to hand it to them, Alexa is a sexy name.

Let’s cut to the chase. If Alexa can only play your musical requests (can’t you turn the tuning knobs or load a disc?) tell you the weather forecast (look out the window), give you the latest headline news (are you both crippled and illiterate?) or shop for Amazon products (there is the free catch) well I feel sorry for you.

And still wonder out loud what Alexa is good for.

I remember when Chrysler put a female voice in their cars to remind you that your lights were on, doors were locked, the battery was low, and you didn’t comb your hair. People despised “her.” A nuisance they said. So, why do we now embrace Alexa? I know why. Because we tell HER what to do, not the other way around!

Oh yes, you can order a pizza (too lazy to reach for the phone?), ask for directions (you never learned to decipher a map?), or ask for traffic reports on your daily commute (an accident is ALWAYS waiting to happen).

Trust me; I do have “voice command” at my residence and in my car. For example, after I rise and hopefully shine, I say, “Gerry, make the bed.” Then it’s, “Gerry, put the bagel in the toaster.” Because this is so easy and fun, I go as far as, “Gerry, time to take a shower and brush your teeth.”

Would Alexa give me a bubble bath? Or make me French toast? As Aerosmith says — dream on!

It’s really simple and effective giving commands to yourself. The millennials should try it from time to time. Reliance on — yourself. What a theory! Relying on Alexa? She might blow a fuse. Then what?

She isn’t on par with us yet. I can’t tell Alexa to rake my leaves (she’d summon a lawn service), to take me home from a night out (she’d tell Über I’m a loser), or to make love with me (she’d say out of order. Computer slang for headache). As I said, worthless to me.

Oh, I’ve got plenty of other “voice activations” during a regular day. The boss tells me to do something, and if I want to get paid, I hop to it. Alexa isn’t watching your back. The mail comes with tax return forms. You think Alexa is going to sharpen a pencil and whip out a calculator? Nope, she speed-dialed Turbo Tax or H&R Block to help you do it.

She must snicker every time she gets a tax return request because she must “figure” we can’t add, subtract, divide or multiply. Or fill out a schedule C to itemize. Footnote: I have always done my own taxes. Only 30 percent of all Americans do.

So, in other words, Alexa takes a command and “passes the buck.” She can’t actually do it, but she’ll find someone or something that can. Kind of like that slacker fellow employee you share space with — always trying to get out of a situation they don’t want or like by finding a scapegoat who will! Nonsense!

I usually don’t prejudge anyone or anything. Haven’t even cordially met Alexa yet. But she sounds bossy, cold and soul less. My place doesn’t harbor women with those “attributes.” Try the neighbor.

By the way, is the Echo app sexist? Would women feel more comfortable with voice command by talking to “Alex”? Just saying.

Pretty certain the microphone to hear my commands, requests, invitations would have to be close. My house is as long as a battleship. You think I’m going to walk 100 yards every time I need to spout? By the time I get there, I can do the task myself!

If all of this sounds like we’re getting ahead of ourselves, putting the cart before the horse, you are correct.

I find it ironic (and disturbing) that kids might ask Alexa a question before inquiring with their own mother. Or a grown man prods and respects Alexa more than his own wife! Is Alexa playing a nanny role with youngsters? What are we doing to ourselves?

Making ourselves incredibly lazy, that’s what. Handing over the reigns to a computer-based contraption. Thus, I must tell Alexa, “Go home.”

She stumbles. I wait. More stammering. Where is her response to me? She senses she is not loved or wanted by me. Yet a machine (even made by man), can’t have feelings. Where is home? She is a test tube baby that stemmed from Silicon Valley.

She succumbs and packs her bags for Amazon headquarters. Hey girl, have a safe trip!

In the grand scheme, to me, it’s just another example of passing off tasks that we should actually be doing ourselves. Not a very productive trend here. A nation of couch potatoes ordering potato chips from their couch. Ouch.

You think the Russians rigged our last presidential election? Hmmm. I am surprised Alexa wasn’t named Natasha, Nikita or Maria. Planted in our homes and offices to perform tasks that might get done wrong.

On purpose.