“One U.S. hit single and a hit t-shirt in 1985 does not a celebrity make.” – Holly Johnson

We need to warm up, literally. Since most of us want to shed the thermal underwear and slip into shorts, swimsuits, and tank tops. Till then, let me take you back to the summer of 1985 when things were really cooking!

Our family took a vacation to Stone Harbor, NJ that year, and as most of you know, beaches provide a breeding ground for new trends and fads. That particular year it was for t-shirts with oversized slogans on them that could be read from 30 feet away. Katherine E. Hamnett first designed these snow-white shirts with big, bold, black lettering in 1983. They really took off.

George Michael and his group WHAM! wore ones on stage that said “CHOOSE LIFE” — a statement against war, death, and destruction. NOT an anti-abortion message. Poor George passed away last year at age 53, so his choices on planet earth are now nil.

1985 was a good, vibrant year. The Chevy Camaro IROC Z made its debut on American streets. Tennis was still a relevant sport. The economy was booming, Reagan was president, and everything was coming up roses. Guns N’ Roses, that is.

The beach scene was buzzing also. I distinctly remember the heavy-duty activity on the boardwalk and surrounding areas. The movies in 1985 were great — “Back to the Future”, “The Breakfast Club”, “Commando” — and so was the music — “Crazy for You” by Madonna, “Part Time Lover” by Stevie Wonder, and “Raspberry Beret” by Prince.

As a guy in his mid-20s just out of college and freshly minted for the world, the future was so bright — I had to wear shades!

Beach fact. In 1985 it wasn’t sexist, pompous or remotely rude to tell a tan, buxom young lady they looked fine and dandy in their hand-picked bikini. Today, in a politically skewed world, if you made any remark about them or their outfit of choice you’d get slapped in the face or stuck with a harassment suit faster than sand sliding through your toes on said beach. Back then, they were flattered, not flattened by a compliment headed their way. They smiled, you winked. All was good.

The summer of 1985 provided fresh opportunity (and temptation), and the entire nation was optimistic and pretty united. And a male musician named Holly Johnson told us to go easy. At least as far as, can I say this, thrusting went.

Three simple oversize words on a basic white t-shirt. “Frankie Says Relax.” I just had to get one at a boardwalk shop! These shirts were practically flying off the racks by themselves! And so was the song “Relax” by Johnson’s group Frankie Goes to Hollywood.

This song was controversial from the get-go due to lewd sexual connotations and was banned by several stations on the BBC. The song eventually hit the top of the charts with its catchy beat and synthesized seizures. It eventually wandered from the UK to our shores by 1984. With the song, came the infamous shirt.

Anyway, I decided to buy that feasible and fashionable shirt for my dad, not me. I was already totally relaxed and carefree. He was the one that needed to “chill out.” Coping with a mortgage, a new Porsche on the way, helping my brother with college costs, putting food on the table, keeping the house warm, and working a retail job filled with stress could all wear him down.

However, if he knew then what we know now about what the words on that shirt really meant, he might have killed me. At the time he thought it was just a novelty item, you know, a guy or shop on the beach peddling a shirt with his name on it. I knew better, and so did you when you saw him mowing the lawn wearing this highly prized piece. The shirt said to RELAX. Mom told him to do the same. Holly had to be laughing!

Digging deeper, you’d realize Frankie Goes to Hollywood took a huge risk by releasing this as their first single. They weren’t shy in their intentions and didn’t play it safe. Other new (and old) artists at the time weren’t going to roll the dice or rock the boat because income was made on the predictable. The video was also unique. Current musicians hold Frankie and crew in high regard; they took chances and went in a direction that others feared. How can you put a price on going your own way?

The band faded as new material was slow to be released. My father wore the shirt till it was relegated to a shop rag. Then tossed into the trash. Trendy, fad t-shirts don’t live a long life, even if they were made of a 50 percent polyester/50 percent cotton mix. By next summer, something else came to take its place.

After 33 years, I can reflect fondly on that summer, that band, that song, and that shirt. We drove home from the shore on a sweltering day past Veterans Stadium in Philadelphia. Live Aid was going on! Frankie wasn’t there. I wish we had gotten tickets to that awesome event.

More thoughts. Controversial music (and books, and artwork, and speeches) will always play a role in society. Plain vanilla and prudes can enjoy censored toned-down tunes and elevator music. But usually, there is a message to be heard in the raw stuff. Consume at your own risk.

As for the current crop of women at the beaches, it may be conducive for them to wear a barrel or a bath robe while securing the warm, white sand. Men, put duct tape over your mouth. Keep any “suggestive” thoughts to yourself. Don’t give anyone a prolonged look. Turn the radio down. Don’t stray far from inland. Hide all vintage “Baywatch” VHS tapes at home from the kids. By almost all accounts, 1985 really ruled, and I was a part of it.

Roller coaster stock market, North Korean missiles, rising fuel costs, torrid Trump tweets got you antsy? Your boxers in a frizzy tizzy? Your panties in a bunch? I’ve got the perfect t-shirt for you!

GERRY SAYS RELAX.