Saturday, November 8, was a gorgeous day of sun, warmth and fiery foliage; but I spent most that time inside my church — attending a conference on domestic abuse. Beside me lay a brochure confirming that one in three women will experience this trauma — and that it’s “just as prevalent within faith communities.”

Regular Webb readers know me as a lover of movies, music, words and books; but I’ve also spent 31 years as officer in a local Presbyterian church. During that time, I’ve labored hard with fellow-elders to watch for this gravely serious problem — and to help both actual and potential victims.

The conference was entitled “Protecting the Flock,” and our speaker was Rev. Danny Patterson — a Maine-based pastor and a Certified Domestic Abuse Advocate. With 22 years in the pulpit, Patterson also teaches a course on abuse at Mid-America Reformed Seminary in Dyer, IN.

In a series of talks which, for me, generated 14 pages of notes, Patterson began with a broad yet nuanced definition: domestic abuse occurs when a person in a position of greater influence uses their capacities to diminish the personal capacities of others under that influence.

Marshalling several Bible passages to show that “God hates oppression,” Patterson went on to assert that abuse should be “outrageous” to the church — and is, by the standards of Scripture, “heinous.”

He then laid out Biblical principles for a proper approach:

First, people are made in God’s image (Genesis 1) — but sin distorts our relations with others (Genesis 3); and this in turn makes it hard to love selflessly — as God commands (1 Cor. 13). In particular, sin has affected the structure of marriage, in which a husband must lead by giving himself to his family (Eph. 5).

As Patterson put it: Christ-like love says, “My life for yours”; but abusers reverse this, wanting the wife and family to serve their own selfish needs and desires.

The speaker went on to articulate some characteristics of abuse:

It can be both emotional and physical, with each of these feeding into the other: Physical abuse hurts our emotional side, because we are all “embodied souls” — while emotional abuse can manifest itself in a variety of physiological symptoms, such as digestive struggles and high blood pressure.

Other effects, including hypervigilance, anxiety and trust issues, sometimes lead to incoherent communication — which can make the victim seem like an “unreliable reporter.” In fact, these sufferers often come to church-leaders not overtly naming abuse, but rather just asking for help with their marriage.

Deleterious effects are exacerbated by power and proximity: The closer the abuser is to the victim, and the more influence or authority he has, the greater the harm.
 For these and other reasons, said Patterson, every disclosure of domestic abuse must be taken with the utmost seriousness and investigated — recalling that a mere 1-6% of such reports turn out to be false.

However, this does not mean rushing to the alleged abuser to “get both sides.” That can often make things worse, and is one of the reasons abuse often goes unreported. “A violently abusive person may react violently when confronted,” Patterson told us. “And the victim of that violence is ordinarily the spouse.”

Instead, a solid response to a disclosure of abuse should prioritize the safety of the victim-reporter. “Your job,” he insists, “is to act responsibly according to what you know” — because any woman who reports abuse is taking a risk.

In dealing with the abuser himself, Patterson urged church leaders to see it as a heart issue. Rather than simply focusing on individual incidents and behaviors, they must work with abusers to get to the root of the matter: selfishness — pride and the desire to be in complete control.

“Abuse is not an anger problem,” says Patterson. “It’s an idolatry problem.” It is, in other words, “the desecration of power for the sake of the unholy trinity of me, myself and I.”

Worthwhile resources include the books When Home Hurts (Jeremy Pierre and Greg Wilson); The Heart of Domestic Abuse (Chris Moles); and Is It Abuse? (Darby Strickland).

Those who suspect they’re suffering abuse can contact Called to Peace Ministries at calledtopeace.org; info@calledtopeace.org; or 919-374-0778.

So, yeah: If even one victim or local church leader is helped by this article — well, that’ll beat a sunny autumn walk any day.