Every couple of years, I find myself feeling the need to update parents on where we are with kids and the online world. Tech changes fast, and kids rotate apps more often than their wardrobe. Keeping up to date can be tough, so I try to help as much as I can.

When most parents were teens, the “group chat” was a three-way phone call that tied up the house line and probably got someone yelled at when a sibling couldn’t get on AOL. Today, the teen communication hub looks more like Snapchat groups, endless DMs, and disappearing messages that seem to vanish faster than a plate of pizza rolls.

For teens, group chats are the lifeline. They’re where plans are made, jokes are shared, and friendships are cemented. But as much as these chats can feel like a safe space, they also come with risks — cyberbullying, oversharing, and exposure to strangers (or just kids behaving badly because their brains aren’t fully developed).

So how do we keep teens safe without shutting down their social lives completely? Here are some tips for both teens and parents trying to survive the group chat era:

For Teens:

OK, OK, I know that I don’t really have a huge teen following here, so parents, maybe just share these with your kid.
Think Before You Post (or Snap).

Screenshots exist. Even if something “disappears” on Snapchat, it can still be saved, shared, or used later. If you wouldn’t want it on a T-shirt in homeroom, maybe don’t hit send. Remember, you may get a notification about a screenshot, but really, there isn’t anything you can do about it once it’s done.

Know Your Group.

Not every invite deserves a “yes.” Be picky about group chats. The more people added, the higher the chance of drama, leaks, or sketchy strangers sneaking in.

Mute, Leave, or Block.

You don’t have to stay in a chat that makes you uncomfortable. Walking away is sometimes the smartest move, and guess what? Your real friends will still be there.

Check Your Privacy Settings.

Keep profiles private, location-sharing off (unless you’re using it to check in with your parents), and double-check who can see your stories.

For Parents: Don’t Spy, Stay Involved.

Teens need space, but they also need guidance and support. Ask questions like, “Who do you chat with most?” or “What happens if someone is being mean in a group?” Conversations go further than snooping.

Set Expectations Early.

Talk about what’s OK to share and what isn’t—photos, personal info, or gossip. Make it clear: safety comes before popularity.

Know the Apps.

You don’t need to be a Snapchat expert, but at least understand how it works. (Pro tip: have your teen give you the crash course—they’ll love being the teacher for once.) Facebook and Instagram are the easiest ones, and watching videos on TikTok isn’t rocket science, but platforms like Snap and WhatsApp may not be as familiar. Get familiar.

Be the Safe Place.

Let your kids know they won’t be in trouble for telling you if something scary, inappropriate, or uncomfortable happens online. Fear of punishment keeps teens silent — open communication keeps them safe. I’ll reference back to that not-yet-fully-developed brain. Kids aren’t always going to make the best decisions and choices. They need to know that if something goes sideways, you’ll be there to fall back on.

As a side note, this issue extends far beyond the online realm. This goes for the outside world as well. Consequences can be handled later; kids — especially teens — need to know that they can count on you at a moment’s notice if they need help. No matter what is happening, they should have ZERO worry about calling you.

Encourage Offline Balance.

Group chats can be fun, but so can basketball practice, movie nights, and in-person hangouts. Remind your teen that the best memories don’t come with a filter or streak score.

The Bottom Line

The internet isn’t going away, and neither are group chats. The goal isn’t to shut them down but to help teens use them wisely. For parents, that means staying curious, not clueless. For teens, it means remembering that your digital footprint lasts a whole lot longer than a disappearing snap.

Staying safe online is a team effort — and in this group chat, parents and kids really do need to be on the same side.

And don’t worry, Jimmy will be back next week, he’s just enjoying an extra-long Labor Day weekend!