It’s Christmas in July, and with it comes visions of perfectly trimmed trees, fragrant gingerbread houses, and Christmas revelers straight from the pages of Vogue or GQ magazine.

Dashing looks, snowy white teeth, and absolutely perfect hair can only indicate one thing: It’s time for a sugary sweet helping of Hallmark Christmas movies.

Unless your name is Ebenezer Scrooge or The Grinch, you probably know what I am talking about. And chances are you either adore these films and become addicted to them like free pork chops, or you despise every moment of the unrealistic, badly acted dribble.

In my opinion, the films are extremely predictable with the same type of plot over and over.

The premise for a Hallmark holiday flick is simple. In fact, it’s very simple. (Spoiler alert!) Beautiful people are celebrating the holidays and living happily ever after.

That’s it; that’s the storyline for every Hallmark Christmas movie ever made.

Boy meets girl; they eat gingerbread and drink cocoa at a tree lighting ceremony. They do a few good deeds. They make a perfect gingerbread house, decorate a tree, eat candy canes before caroling at the town’s Christmas pageant, and have more cocoa, cookies, and candy canes. (Are sweets the only thing these folks in Hallmark movies ever consume?)

Just like a recipe for gingerbread, Hallmark Christmas movies must include several ingredients to have a successful film.

1. The lead characters must have unique jobs, such as prince or princess, party planner, author, business tycoon, pastry chef, rustic bed & breakfast owner, or simply be filthy rich. Seldom, if ever, will they be working at a Dollar Tree, McDonald’s, or be the regional spokesperson for hemorrhoid cream.

2. The lead characters must be fantastic-looking and have amazing hair, no body fat, and a dazzling smile.

3. One of the lead characters has lost the holiday spirit; they’re widowers, leaving the big city for a small town or leaving a small town for the big city.

4. The lead characters must have a sassy child, a magical snow globe, a perfectly designed and decorated house, a cabin, or a huge loft apartment in the city.

5. The main characters must be related to or be friends with a colorful character with a festive name like Holly, Winter, Noel, Joy, Nicolas, Douglas, Noble, or Frasier.

6. The lead couple need to partake in at least ten of the following activities: go caroling, attend a tree lighting ceremony, build a snowman, make snow angels, cut down a fresh pine tree, attend a holiday recital, get snowed in overnight, see a Christmas pageant, attend a formal ball or dinner hosted by a handsome prince, wish upon a falling star, make a gingerbread house, bake Kris Kringle cookies, enter a cookie baking contest, discover a long lost love and never get bloated from eating too many gingerbread houses.

7. All problems or issues must be resolved within two hours.

8. The leading man must never be bald, out of shape, or unemployed.

To date, the Hallmark Channel has produced around 250 original Christmas movies and has made the company oodles of money.

The first original Hallmark Christmas film, “A Christmas Secret,” aired in 2000 and featured Beau Bridges and Richard Thomas. The plot? A professor meets Santa Claus while trying to prove reindeer really can fly. If you have never seen this movie, congratulations.

First-time viewers won’t mistake it for a tale from Shakespeare, although they might think it came from the back panel of a box of Fruit Loops.

It wasn’t until 2009 the channel started its popular “Countdown to Christmas” that runs from the last week in October to the start of the new year.

In 2020, even with COVID impacting every aspect of life, the Hallmark Channel released 40, yes 40, new Christmas films.

How can Hallmark churn out 40 new movies in a year? Because it only takes about three weeks for a film to be made. And on average, the typical Christmas flick costs around $2 million to make. Due to less stringent tax laws, most movies are filmed in Canada.

Over the years, a number of Hollywood stars, some shining more brightly than others, have appeared in Hallmark Christmas films, including Shirley MacLaine, LeAnn Rimes, William Shatner, Billy Ray Cyrus, Jane Seymour, Roger Moore, Jean Smart, Tori Spelling, Patricia Heaton, Ernest Borgnine, and Mariah Carey.

Even though Hallmark Christmas films are predictable and corny, they’ve become a beloved tradition for many families across the country.

Perhaps it’s because it brings back cherished memories of past holidays; maybe some folks see the perfect Christmas they want to have. And maybe, some folks find them amusing because they’re so unrealistic. Whatever the reason, just think as of August 1, it’s only 84 days until ‘Countdown to Christmas’ starts.