Humans are social creatures, and defining friendship, and the need for connection can sometimes be complicated. Definitions can vary from person-to-person, but researchers agree that friendship and connection are important to our overall well-being.

According to Suzanne Degges-White, a licensed counselor and professor at Northern Illinois University, friendship can be characterized by interdependence and the voluntary nature of interactions. In an article she wrote for Psychology Today, Degges-White stated that, although the reasons for choosing our friends are complex, a handful of themes seem to reoccur based on a recent study. These themes include pleasure, reciprocity, commitment over a lifetime, voluntary basis, and mutual respect.

Friendships occur when both parties find mutual pleasure in spending time together. Friends also seem to develop a sense of give-and-take naturally, wrote Degges-White. Though many believe friendship is steady throughout one’s lifetime, others believe that it can be called upon during a time of crisis, such as when two people reconnect over the loss of a friend they had in common. Another common characteristic of friendship is its voluntary nature, as it is something that both parties must ultimately agree upon and cannot be forced. Last, as with all healthy relationships, there must exist mutual respect and authenticity.

According to a new book by Yale professor Marissa King, if we understand more about our relationships, we can get more enjoyment out of them. Ultimately, this means that we can be happier.

King’s book, titled Social Chemistry: Decoding the Elements of Human Connection, is about various types of social networks. It describes different relationships and how they function. Many of us often neglect certain types of socializing. Still, if we expand our perspectives on networking, we can not only interact with more people but can connect on a deeper level with those with whom we already have a relationship.

According to King, we can gain a lot by making a concerted effort to develop our social networks. King also argues that social networks are not just about the volume of contacts we have but also about those contacts’ structure and quality.

The book outlines three main networking styles that people use to socialize: Conveners, Brokers, and Expansionists.

Conveners form interconnected relationships, and it is likely that multiple friendships are formed within a group. An example of this might be a group of parents whose children all belong to the same soccer team.

Brokers, on the other hand, tend to form relationships that cross boundaries less. They tend to be part of friend groups that do not interact much. In a work setting, this might be someone that is able to help bridge the gap between two separate departments.

The third group are the Expansionists. According to King, these are the social butterflies that seem to know almost everyone and have large social groups.

It is helpful to understand these networking styles and where our friendships and connections fit depending upon different situations. For example, some situations call for tighter social bonds, such as phoning a friend in the middle of the night to help with a flat tire.

Marissa King suggests that to get the most out of our relationships, especially during a pandemic, there are several things we can do. In an interview with Elizabeth Hopper and the Greater Good, a U.C. Berkley newsletter, King suggests that we regularly check in with those closest to us and that we focus on spending quality time with our friends and family. She also said that this time should include meaningful conversations. For those people we see less often, even a quick note, text, or call can have value.

Friendship and social networks are complex and may develop for many different reasons. We may choose our friends because they challenge us with their strong opinions or because they generally agree with us and have similar personalities. We may also choose them simply because we feel good when we are with them. Friendship might also exist partly for geographical reasons. Perhaps you work together or are members of the same club. You may be neighbors and happen to see each other often enough to expand your relationship into other social areas. Regardless of who we choose to spend our time with or why we choose them, our friends should be people we enjoy being around. At the end of the day, true friends are better together than apart.