Since we are in the holiday season and it is a time of family get-togethers, festivities, and resolutions, I thought it would be appropriate to write about forgiveness. This can be a tough topic for many people, including myself, as we are most certainly all works in progress.

Forgiveness can be defined as the deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment toward a person or group that has harmed you. It can even be directed toward ourselves. It is a word that sounds great when we hear it in church but to actually forgive can be difficult. It is something that we all struggle with at times, and as much as we would like to flip a switch and immediately forgive, I have found that it is a process. Depending on the severity of the offense, forgiveness can sometimes take years or even never happen. Still, without at least attempting to forgive, we, not others, suffer and carry our pain with us.

Dr. Everett Worthington Jr., a professor at Virginia Commonwealth University that studies forgiveness and other character virtues, writes about Chris Carrier. In Worthington’s 2004 article titled The New Science of Forgiveness, he writes that when Carrier was ten years old, he was abducted from near his Florida home, taken into a swamp, stabbed, shot, and left for dead. Miraculously, Chris Carrier survived.

Years later, police told Carrier that the man they suspected of abducting him lay dying and that he should confront him to gain closure. Gaining much more than closure, Chris Carrier decided to forgive his attacker. He comforted the man during his last few weeks of life and brought peace to both of them.

Some would argue that what Chris Carrier did was weak or foolish. I find that I would probably be unable to forgive such a horrible crime, yet I understand the burden that being unforgiving places on the victim. Whether it is a minor slight to which a person takes offense or a seemingly unforgivable act, forgiveness is a means of letting go of pain and moving on.

According to Dr. Worthington, research has found that there is a link between forgiveness and wellbeing that includes physical, mental, and spiritual health. It can affect everyone from individuals to families and even communities and entire nations.

Forgiving someone involves more than merely trying to forget a negative event; it means that we are less likely to desire retaliation against the offender and that we would like to resume or even create a level of connection. This will allow us to not only move past negative feelings but also create a positive feeling.

Worthington writes that although Carrier never forgot what his attacker did to him, he was able to replace his negative emotions and desire for revenge with feelings of compassion and was able to find closure.

Certainly, we have all been hurt at some point in our lives. In fact, many of us may have experienced a life filled with pain. Somehow, we have to find a way to move past the hurt. I liken each negative experience to picking up a stone. It is a burden that we carry around. Eventually, when we carry enough stones, our burden becomes so heavy that we are overwhelmed and unable to carry on.

On the other hand, forgiveness allows us to lighten the load, so to speak. We are able to shed a stone here and there, and our burden eventually feels so light that we feel free and can be the best version of ourselves. So, during this holiday season, let us take this opportunity to forgive both others and ourselves for wrongs committed and experience the joy of the season to its fullest.