Emotional intelligence is a person’s ability to be aware of and effectively express their emotions and to understand and effectively respond to the emotions of others. Having a highly developed emotional intelligence is important for types of work that require a significant amount of human interaction and is critical for healthy relationships and personal mental health. Emotional intelligence is not something that everyone is born with but can, however, be learned with the practice of certain techniques, many of which include a mindfulness-based approach.

Often, when faced with a stressful situation, people either respond by suppressing their emotions or reacting to their emotions. Both of these methods for dealing with pressure can have negative effects including disrupting relationships or feelings of anxiety, shame, depression, and possibly even suicidal thoughts.

High-stress professions such as first responders and medical personnel often feel they are forced to suppress their emotions in which they inhibit the expression of the outward signs of their feelings. These professionals are sometimes taught emotional suppression as a strategy for dealing with the trauma with which they find themselves facing for fear of losing control in critical situations. While dealing with emotions by pushing them down and maintaining a stoic expression may seem necessary it does nothing to remove the internal experience of these emotions. Over time, these repressed emotions can build up causing more pain and unhealthy behavior such as drug and alcohol abuse and anger management problems. In addition, trying to “talk one’s self” out of feeling an emotion may actually lead a person to thinking about that emotion and experience more often and to hold on to those feelings longer than they would have if they had dealt with those feelings earlier.

The other path many people find themselves taking when under stress is to react to what they are feeling. They may become angry and lash out causing others to do the same, thus creating a cycle of anger and causing damage to relationships at work and at home. Other people may react by breaking down and folding under strain. These types of reactive responses are equally unhelpful, as it does not contribute to dealing with the initial cause of the stress.

When faced with a difficult situation there is a third option, however. A person can also choose to experience their emotions in real-time. This means acknowledging feelings without judgement and giving objective thought to what an appropriate response should be to a specific stressor.

In her article, The Real Danger of Suppressing Your Emotions published on Mindful.org, certified Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) and Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT) teacher, Margaret Cullen describes using mindfulness techniques when teaching groups of people in high stress professions such as U.S. Special Forces and police how to manage their emotions. Research suggests that Mindful-Based Interventions (MBIs) allow a person to experience and acknowledge an emotion without judgement and thus, deal with it, without allowing it to control them. Since it is not repressed, it is less likely that it will fester and manifest itself later in unhealthy ways. They key is to let yourself feel angry, sad, or fearful but not to let your behavior be dictated by those feelings. Allow the feeling without interrupting the experience of the feeling. Feel the feeling and move on.

If you or a loved one is having difficulty processing negative emotions from trauma or stress reach out to a mental health professional or primary care physician and ask if a mindfulness-based treatment may be right for you. Along with other effective treatment methods, mindfulness-based techniques may assist you in managing your negative emotions in a constructive manner and aid you on your path of healing. Most importantly, get the help you need to get you on the path to Living Well.